Everyone wears masks.
Not just today, but every day.
We hide our true feelings. We tamp down our preferences. We sequester our opinions. We shunt aside who we really are.
We do it to be accepted. We do it to be admired. We do it to be rewarded. We do it to fit in.
We do it to be loved.
I realized I loved my husband (long before I married him) when I realized I wasn't pretending to be someone I wasn't and he loved me anyway.
I realized that I, as a person, as an individual, as someone different and unique and quirky, was worthy of affection and caring.
I need to be the lead role in my life. I want to take off the mask. I want to show who I really am. Revealing my thoughts and speaking my mind. There are only a few situations or people that I do that with now, I want that in ever facet of my life.
I need to Perform a striptease of my soul.
I think everybody is just like me. Maybe not exactly. Not precisely. But most of us have the same values, the same dreams (but with different specifics, of course), the same fears. We want health. We want security. We want companionship (and also want independence and sometimes some solitude). We want love. We want freedom. We want to be who and what we are.
Happy Halloween - even though I'm not participating this year!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Letting Go...
Letting go is one of the things I need to work on the most in my life. I have a tough time letting go and have some control issues.
The Prayer for Serenity should be my guide.
God, grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardships as a pathway to peace
taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it,
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever
in the next.
Amen
Now I'm not a really religious person but I do believe in a higher power, something greater than us....
I came across this article and had to share it...
An Affirmation for Letting Go
Larry James
I am willing to trust. I know that to the degree I am willing to give up my search for a healthy love relationship, I can have it. I know I can have whatever I am ready and willing to receive. Individual receptivity is everything. Without it, nothing changes. With it, all things are possible. I no longer insist upon my choice.
I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me!
I let go of the past, and I am free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.
Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting go does not mean giving up.
LoveNote. . . A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth -- with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts
Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over and over again -- each time I can glimpse something higher than my own painful certainty over who I think I am. There is always something higher; a life beyond the limits of my present sight.
To see what is farther I must be willing to lift my eyes from their present point of focus. Release always follows revelation and real revelation is always a glimpse of something that was only just out of sight.
I know that stress in my love relationship exists because I insist! What I resist, persists. I am tied to whatever I avoid.
LoveNote. . . The heart loves, but moods have no loyalty. Moods should be heard but never danced to. - Hugh Prather
It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps me in a strained and unhappy relationship with it. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine.
I do not need power to flow.
I let go of that part of myself that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. I give birth to a new me that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything.
I dare to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary but unsatisfactory sense of self. My true identity is calling me and to hear it I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty.
This form of seeming self-abandonment eventually turns into my greatest pleasure as it becomes increasingly evident that the only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise me. When it comes to who I really am, there is no compromise.
Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to no one or any thing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you have to say about that, so, let go.
A Course in Miracles says, "You cannot really not let go what has already gone. It must be, therefore, that you are maintaining the illusion that it has not gone because you think it serves some purpose that you want fulfilled."
It is certifiable insanity to conjure up your own reality based on the past and relate to it, rather than to relate to the present which is the only reality.
LoveNote. . . Relationships are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which he brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. - Marianne Williamson
I say goodbye to the past and hello to the present.
I am enthusiastic about who I am becoming! I know that no one sincerely asks for a new life until they are thoroughly dissatisfied with the old one. I am and I let go. When I allow myself to let go of what is old, I stay true to what is new.
I believe that as with all insight, higher understanding itself contains not only the instructions I must follow, but the strength I will need to carry them out.
Starting life over again is the key to a new me. I see the beauty and significance of starting over - over and over and over. Every present moment is always new and new is always right now! The new dies to the ever-new in an endless celebration of Life.
This is it!
I live in the present. I never let the past dictate the direction of the present moment. I give my best to my endeavors.
What lies ahead for me can only be good.
True peace and harmony are a part of who I am.
I have come to the realization that what is possible for me to become only truly changes when I am willing to see what is impossible for me to continue being.
My true nature is already fully independent and flying freely. I have found my wings.
I let go and let God. And so it is.
LoveNote. . . He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is Love. - I John 4:8
The Prayer for Serenity should be my guide.
God, grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardships as a pathway to peace
taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it,
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever
in the next.
Amen
Now I'm not a really religious person but I do believe in a higher power, something greater than us....
I came across this article and had to share it...
An Affirmation for Letting Go
Larry James
I am willing to trust. I know that to the degree I am willing to give up my search for a healthy love relationship, I can have it. I know I can have whatever I am ready and willing to receive. Individual receptivity is everything. Without it, nothing changes. With it, all things are possible. I no longer insist upon my choice.
I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me!
I let go of the past, and I am free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.
Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting go does not mean giving up.
LoveNote. . . A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth -- with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts
Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over and over again -- each time I can glimpse something higher than my own painful certainty over who I think I am. There is always something higher; a life beyond the limits of my present sight.
To see what is farther I must be willing to lift my eyes from their present point of focus. Release always follows revelation and real revelation is always a glimpse of something that was only just out of sight.
I know that stress in my love relationship exists because I insist! What I resist, persists. I am tied to whatever I avoid.
LoveNote. . . The heart loves, but moods have no loyalty. Moods should be heard but never danced to. - Hugh Prather
It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps me in a strained and unhappy relationship with it. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine.
I do not need power to flow.
I let go of that part of myself that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. I give birth to a new me that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything.
I dare to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary but unsatisfactory sense of self. My true identity is calling me and to hear it I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty.
This form of seeming self-abandonment eventually turns into my greatest pleasure as it becomes increasingly evident that the only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise me. When it comes to who I really am, there is no compromise.
Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to no one or any thing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you have to say about that, so, let go.
A Course in Miracles says, "You cannot really not let go what has already gone. It must be, therefore, that you are maintaining the illusion that it has not gone because you think it serves some purpose that you want fulfilled."
It is certifiable insanity to conjure up your own reality based on the past and relate to it, rather than to relate to the present which is the only reality.
LoveNote. . . Relationships are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which he brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. - Marianne Williamson
I say goodbye to the past and hello to the present.
I am enthusiastic about who I am becoming! I know that no one sincerely asks for a new life until they are thoroughly dissatisfied with the old one. I am and I let go. When I allow myself to let go of what is old, I stay true to what is new.
I believe that as with all insight, higher understanding itself contains not only the instructions I must follow, but the strength I will need to carry them out.
Starting life over again is the key to a new me. I see the beauty and significance of starting over - over and over and over. Every present moment is always new and new is always right now! The new dies to the ever-new in an endless celebration of Life.
This is it!
I live in the present. I never let the past dictate the direction of the present moment. I give my best to my endeavors.
What lies ahead for me can only be good.
True peace and harmony are a part of who I am.
I have come to the realization that what is possible for me to become only truly changes when I am willing to see what is impossible for me to continue being.
My true nature is already fully independent and flying freely. I have found my wings.
I let go and let God. And so it is.
LoveNote. . . He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is Love. - I John 4:8
A Poem...
Broken Glass
Darkness surrounds me
Wishing to be anywhere but here
Wanting to be anyone but myself
The reflection within scares me
Rocks me, Shakes me to the core.
I want to forget, I want to stop
But it finds me again
Never letting go
Rough and Raging
Terrified but comfortable, we sit and talk
Old Friends
I know that I am more powerful
That I could end this
But I let it take control
Because what I see in the mirror frightens me more
Darkness surrounds me
Wishing to be anywhere but here
Wanting to be anyone but myself
The reflection within scares me
Rocks me, Shakes me to the core.
I want to forget, I want to stop
But it finds me again
Never letting go
Rough and Raging
Terrified but comfortable, we sit and talk
Old Friends
I know that I am more powerful
That I could end this
But I let it take control
Because what I see in the mirror frightens me more
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure
I had to share this article by Oprah ....
Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:
1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)
Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:
1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)
Life isn't about how to survive the storm ; but learning to dance in the rain...
Life from time to time seems to bring storms our way. These storms might be anything from financial problems, marital problems or a testing of our faith. These storms sometime are mild reminders that life can change just as easy as a breeze can turn into a full gale. Sometimes these storms pull up by the roots beliefs or ideas about life and faith that one may have.
At any rate, each storm bring on trials. Testing where you must trust that whatever has happened: has happened for a purpose. When the storm comes, we immediately want to retreat from it. We hide ourselves looking for a safe place until the storm has passed. This is human instinct.
But what if? What if we decided to embrace the storm and learn the rhythm of the rolling thunder, wind and lighting? What if we lift our hands toward the clouds and begin to praise our common Creator? Begin to seek out a higher power as our dance partner and place ourselves into that embrace, abandoning our fears and trusting that it will guide us through the storm .
If we were to practice this dance over and over, would we then run toward the sound of the thunder and begin to look forward to the dance that would bring us closer to something bigger than us??
I for one have not yet learned how to abandon all fears when the storms come; but I am learning. I may not begin to dance at the beginning of the storm; but at some point, I trust in the process and something bigger than all of us. When I do the rain is more gentle and tastes sweeter and I wonder why did I struggle.
Instead of struggling and asking why is life so hard...embrace life and all of the things that come and accept that we are a part of it all...
At any rate, each storm bring on trials. Testing where you must trust that whatever has happened: has happened for a purpose. When the storm comes, we immediately want to retreat from it. We hide ourselves looking for a safe place until the storm has passed. This is human instinct.
But what if? What if we decided to embrace the storm and learn the rhythm of the rolling thunder, wind and lighting? What if we lift our hands toward the clouds and begin to praise our common Creator? Begin to seek out a higher power as our dance partner and place ourselves into that embrace, abandoning our fears and trusting that it will guide us through the storm .
If we were to practice this dance over and over, would we then run toward the sound of the thunder and begin to look forward to the dance that would bring us closer to something bigger than us??
I for one have not yet learned how to abandon all fears when the storms come; but I am learning. I may not begin to dance at the beginning of the storm; but at some point, I trust in the process and something bigger than all of us. When I do the rain is more gentle and tastes sweeter and I wonder why did I struggle.
Instead of struggling and asking why is life so hard...embrace life and all of the things that come and accept that we are a part of it all...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Internal Struggle...
In self-examination I often wonder what it all means. Sometimes I find myself at wits end just trying to figure out why I do or think the things I do, feel the things I feel or think I feel...when there may be no rhyme or reason at the time.
Sometimes chosen paths collide at points were we begin to learn, maybe it's because it's something we needed to learn and figuring out the reason we did it or how we handled it, may in fact be the real challenge. Happiness is a test we put ourselves through, for some point unknown to us, attitude we make ourselves. I now know that I can't find what I need in others before I was able to find it in myself, no one can give me, me...they can shape me and compel or even perhaps complete me but I can't make this happen, as we all are the same confused children.
The wants and needs of many outweigh the needs of the few, a poem I wrote long ago when I thought I knew what it meant. This too has changed its shape to me because I now see the self importance of people and how it changes their perspective towards others. We are all the same and there are no borders between us, all emotionally challenged, crippled if you will we struggle to see the next days sun and try to find the answers with questions.
The other day I struck out in a new path, not really new but while going down the path I found some new answers to some old questions. Is it because I’m getting older that the answers change or is it perspective from age…or is it anything at all but my mind slowly slipping. I felt foolish I felt stupid I felt I had led myself astray from the beliefs I cling too but because I am a woman because I am an animal I am my worst judge and sometimes I should learn to separate consciousness from my reality.
Reassurance of our being of our value of us is in that meaning somewhere, and sometimes I believe we lose that in ourselves if it’s not reinforced by someone, somehow or another but I surely don’t think it’s something we can do alone. Life is truly a battle that we wage each and every min of every day unbenounced to us for no reason at all, a worry. Stress worry and belief, things we carry around our necks like so much of a burden that we may not deserve but cannot cast off. The delicate balance of knowledge and compassion we find for others but never for ourselves we reach out for others to share our pain and to understand us, in fact we scream for it.
Trapped inside ourselves unable to express our needs...is this because we don’t even know what our needs may be? What makes it alright or makes us want to know is a deep question we each must ask ourselves. Why others can see the same things we see but be unable to share with us the common experience is a mystery and I believe it may be due to self-importance. It’s a thing that separates us and causes most of our grief and pain, it’s the reason for war and hate its what divides us and stops us from growing or learning what we must share. Children do not have this and can interact in a manner that surpasses our intellect in many ways. They don’t have the ability to judge or self examine and to their glory it enables truth and goodness something we lose along the way.
Sometimes chosen paths collide at points were we begin to learn, maybe it's because it's something we needed to learn and figuring out the reason we did it or how we handled it, may in fact be the real challenge. Happiness is a test we put ourselves through, for some point unknown to us, attitude we make ourselves. I now know that I can't find what I need in others before I was able to find it in myself, no one can give me, me...they can shape me and compel or even perhaps complete me but I can't make this happen, as we all are the same confused children.
The wants and needs of many outweigh the needs of the few, a poem I wrote long ago when I thought I knew what it meant. This too has changed its shape to me because I now see the self importance of people and how it changes their perspective towards others. We are all the same and there are no borders between us, all emotionally challenged, crippled if you will we struggle to see the next days sun and try to find the answers with questions.
The other day I struck out in a new path, not really new but while going down the path I found some new answers to some old questions. Is it because I’m getting older that the answers change or is it perspective from age…or is it anything at all but my mind slowly slipping. I felt foolish I felt stupid I felt I had led myself astray from the beliefs I cling too but because I am a woman because I am an animal I am my worst judge and sometimes I should learn to separate consciousness from my reality.
Reassurance of our being of our value of us is in that meaning somewhere, and sometimes I believe we lose that in ourselves if it’s not reinforced by someone, somehow or another but I surely don’t think it’s something we can do alone. Life is truly a battle that we wage each and every min of every day unbenounced to us for no reason at all, a worry. Stress worry and belief, things we carry around our necks like so much of a burden that we may not deserve but cannot cast off. The delicate balance of knowledge and compassion we find for others but never for ourselves we reach out for others to share our pain and to understand us, in fact we scream for it.
Trapped inside ourselves unable to express our needs...is this because we don’t even know what our needs may be? What makes it alright or makes us want to know is a deep question we each must ask ourselves. Why others can see the same things we see but be unable to share with us the common experience is a mystery and I believe it may be due to self-importance. It’s a thing that separates us and causes most of our grief and pain, it’s the reason for war and hate its what divides us and stops us from growing or learning what we must share. Children do not have this and can interact in a manner that surpasses our intellect in many ways. They don’t have the ability to judge or self examine and to their glory it enables truth and goodness something we lose along the way.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Name Campaign...
I wanted to share something which my sister inspired me to do...
It's an amazing initiative that I recently decided to support and purchased a name tag.
My sister Tamara's words:
"I love this campaign from a marketing angle, because it's a brilliant way to spread the word about a genocide that otherwise goes unnoticed in North America, and also because it goes to show how much the human spirit can contribute with something as small as a dog tag.
Currently, in the last five years in a Northern part of Uganda, there have been over twenty thousand children kidnapped from their homes and forced into a life of violence
My child's name is Zaddox. He was 15 when he was kidnapped, from Northern Uganda. For $12, you can have a child's story to tell. Share the awareness -- www.thenamecampaign.org "
So what are you waiting for???? Even if you don't support this initiate do something today for the greater good. It's amazing what even a small smile to a complete stranger can mean....
It's an amazing initiative that I recently decided to support and purchased a name tag.
My sister Tamara's words:
"I love this campaign from a marketing angle, because it's a brilliant way to spread the word about a genocide that otherwise goes unnoticed in North America, and also because it goes to show how much the human spirit can contribute with something as small as a dog tag.
Currently, in the last five years in a Northern part of Uganda, there have been over twenty thousand children kidnapped from their homes and forced into a life of violence
My child's name is Zaddox. He was 15 when he was kidnapped, from Northern Uganda. For $12, you can have a child's story to tell. Share the awareness -- www.thenamecampaign.org "
So what are you waiting for???? Even if you don't support this initiate do something today for the greater good. It's amazing what even a small smile to a complete stranger can mean....
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....
How do you change??
Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is too great. The moment we can't "take it anymore" is the moment we start giving and transforming. I'm there right now and ready to make some major changes....and it's all with the goal of improving myself and becoming the best person I can be.
One more unrelated comment this morning...Britney Spears is back, her new song I must admit is really good! I am personally a huge Britney fan from way back and hope that she is getting her life back on track...
Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is too great. The moment we can't "take it anymore" is the moment we start giving and transforming. I'm there right now and ready to make some major changes....and it's all with the goal of improving myself and becoming the best person I can be.
One more unrelated comment this morning...Britney Spears is back, her new song I must admit is really good! I am personally a huge Britney fan from way back and hope that she is getting her life back on track...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Words to live by...
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3 Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3 Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Realizations...
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Well I have come to many realizations in the past few days. The biggest one...I have the greatest family and support system in the world. I've been struggling with some things and wasn't ready to share or open up to anyone.....and then I talked with my sister and they all just came spilling out and the support and love I get from her - well it's overwhelming and makes me the luckiest girl in the world.
It's weird how sometimes when you feel down and out, you don't want to reach out to the people you know love you and will help you.
I have finally admitted a few things to myself that I have been hiding from for quite some time, and it feels wonderful and liberating to rid myself of that....now I'm ready to move on and forward - even if it is only baby steps!
Here is some more realizations from this week:
1. I make a lot of messes, all the time, every day.
2. In and of myself, i am super selfish and self-centered.
3. Everything in this life is temporary.
4. Compared to a lot of people, my life is absolutely amazing and i should have nothing to complain about, yet i am not nearly thankful enough.
5. I'm not in control of my life, and when i try to be, it's not a good situation.
Well I think that If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. :)
Well I have come to many realizations in the past few days. The biggest one...I have the greatest family and support system in the world. I've been struggling with some things and wasn't ready to share or open up to anyone.....and then I talked with my sister and they all just came spilling out and the support and love I get from her - well it's overwhelming and makes me the luckiest girl in the world.
It's weird how sometimes when you feel down and out, you don't want to reach out to the people you know love you and will help you.
I have finally admitted a few things to myself that I have been hiding from for quite some time, and it feels wonderful and liberating to rid myself of that....now I'm ready to move on and forward - even if it is only baby steps!
Here is some more realizations from this week:
1. I make a lot of messes, all the time, every day.
2. In and of myself, i am super selfish and self-centered.
3. Everything in this life is temporary.
4. Compared to a lot of people, my life is absolutely amazing and i should have nothing to complain about, yet i am not nearly thankful enough.
5. I'm not in control of my life, and when i try to be, it's not a good situation.
Well I think that If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. :)
Monday, October 20, 2008
I often wonder why...
I have done a lot of soul searching lately.....and because I have been sick and in bed for a couple days I have had a bunch of time to scower the Internet looking for inspiration....I found this quote and it just makes sense...
“ Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution. ”
So the next time you wonder "why" don't.....just accept there IS a reason and that it's meant to be...
“ Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution. ”
So the next time you wonder "why" don't.....just accept there IS a reason and that it's meant to be...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Lazy Saturday
Well I was up early this morning, feeling a bit better and did some much needed cleaning...now I'm just gaming away (The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion) and enjoying a much needed restful Saturday. Still have a bit of a fever but it seems to be going away -yeah for me cause that means Red Wine for tonight :)
Here is my thought for today...
"Dream as if you'll live forever...
live as if you'll die today."
James Dean
Here is my thought for today...
"Dream as if you'll live forever...
live as if you'll die today."
James Dean
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Oh Happy Friday
I deleted my last post - I don't like the place I was in when I wrote it and would rather forget why I wrote it....so I'm just going to put the one thought that I did like:
The one beautiful thing about life.....is that no matter where you are in life - YOU have the power to change it and make yourself the person you want to be....
Was just reading my wonderful sister's blog and she brought up the question:
What are we doing here?
I find this so inspiring and overwhelming when I ask myself "What am I doing here?"
For me it's all about love, to love and to be loved. If I could do only one thing in this life - that would be my mission.
I would love to write more and think more on this topic, but my head hurts as I am fighting a violent flu..I'm very glad that it's Friday and that I will have the weekend to rest. I am also excited because my X-Box 360 is set up in my room, and I will be in Oblivion all weekend! :)
The one beautiful thing about life.....is that no matter where you are in life - YOU have the power to change it and make yourself the person you want to be....
Was just reading my wonderful sister's blog and she brought up the question:
What are we doing here?
I find this so inspiring and overwhelming when I ask myself "What am I doing here?"
For me it's all about love, to love and to be loved. If I could do only one thing in this life - that would be my mission.
I would love to write more and think more on this topic, but my head hurts as I am fighting a violent flu..I'm very glad that it's Friday and that I will have the weekend to rest. I am also excited because my X-Box 360 is set up in my room, and I will be in Oblivion all weekend! :)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday on a Tuesday......
I couldn't decide what I wanted to write about today....I have so many thoughts floating through my head - but I think I'm getting the flu and none of them make sense....so I will start with a quote:
"As you give love out, it's received and reciprocated--and it grows. That's the beauty of it. Love is an energy. You can feed it to people, and they in turn feed it to others, and eventually it comes back."
—Hill Harper
If this quote is true how come there are so many Loveless people/relationships out there??? I think just looking at the divorce rate can be proof of that. Or does life just get too tough and people don't know how to cope so they turn away?? I think people need to try harder and love harder in order to make a change to our world.....someone recently told me that life is beautiful and that people are generally good. I'm struggling to accept and believe that in today's world. Isn't that sad????
But if I think of life's miracles my faith is restored.....
For me that one miracle that seems to make everything ok - is babies. Actually kids in generally really. There is something about a helpless and innocent child that just puts the world back into balance. Maybe that means I should have one??? Not anytime soon thank you!!!! As wonderful and lovely as kids are - I love being able to give them back to their mom/dad once they start crying :) Guess that maternal instinct just hasn't kicked in quite yet....It's surprising how many people ask the question "when are you having kids???" after you get married. Does it make me abnormal to not want kids????
Here are some thing that I believe/have learned...let's call them My life lessons:
-I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
-I've learned that no matter how much I care some people just don't care back.
-I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
-I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
-I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
-I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
-I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
-I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
-I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
-I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
-I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
-I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
-I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
-I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
-I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
-I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt in the process.
-I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
-I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.
"As you give love out, it's received and reciprocated--and it grows. That's the beauty of it. Love is an energy. You can feed it to people, and they in turn feed it to others, and eventually it comes back."
—Hill Harper
If this quote is true how come there are so many Loveless people/relationships out there??? I think just looking at the divorce rate can be proof of that. Or does life just get too tough and people don't know how to cope so they turn away?? I think people need to try harder and love harder in order to make a change to our world.....someone recently told me that life is beautiful and that people are generally good. I'm struggling to accept and believe that in today's world. Isn't that sad????
But if I think of life's miracles my faith is restored.....
For me that one miracle that seems to make everything ok - is babies. Actually kids in generally really. There is something about a helpless and innocent child that just puts the world back into balance. Maybe that means I should have one??? Not anytime soon thank you!!!! As wonderful and lovely as kids are - I love being able to give them back to their mom/dad once they start crying :) Guess that maternal instinct just hasn't kicked in quite yet....It's surprising how many people ask the question "when are you having kids???" after you get married. Does it make me abnormal to not want kids????
Here are some thing that I believe/have learned...let's call them My life lessons:
-I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
-I've learned that no matter how much I care some people just don't care back.
-I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
-I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
-I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
-I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
-I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
-I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
-I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
-I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
-I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
-I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
-I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
-I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
-I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
-I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt in the process.
-I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
-I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.
Friday, October 10, 2008
All You Need is Love...
One of my absolutely favorite songs - All you Need is Love by the Beatles.
I love the movie Across the Universe ..... like all musicals it was at times over the top but overall a great movie.....I love Jim Sturgess who is in the movie -he has an amazing voice.
I wanted to post the lyrics to the song...
There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
There's nothing you can know that can't be known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
No where you can be, that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Now although I know that is NOT true reality - love can be all you need can't it???
I could take the debate from both sides - but loves means different things to different people.
My new fav song of the moment - The Show by Lenka.....its a great tune. It's about love as well....why do so many artists write about love? Most relatible emotion? Everyone has experienced it?
Have a great Thanksgiving weekend!
I love the movie Across the Universe ..... like all musicals it was at times over the top but overall a great movie.....I love Jim Sturgess who is in the movie -he has an amazing voice.
I wanted to post the lyrics to the song...
There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
There's nothing you can know that can't be known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
No where you can be, that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Now although I know that is NOT true reality - love can be all you need can't it???
I could take the debate from both sides - but loves means different things to different people.
My new fav song of the moment - The Show by Lenka.....its a great tune. It's about love as well....why do so many artists write about love? Most relatible emotion? Everyone has experienced it?
Have a great Thanksgiving weekend!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
When things go wrong don't go with them. ~Elvis Presley
Lifting yourself up and continuing forward...
Does it ever feel like trouble follows you around and won't cut you any slack? Sometimes it feels like you can't buy a break and everything you try just makes things worse. Who could blame you for feeling sorry for yourself or not forgive a little self-destructive behavior? Bad idea. The new, healthy way to spend down times is to lift yourself up and operate at a higher level. Remember that what happens to you is not who you are. It's history. It's past. Your true self takes that history and decides how to make the best possible future out of it. You have the power to keep your attitude and values from driving into the ditch along with the events in your life. From defeat, you can still emerge victorious.
I've had a couple bad days in a row.....but I'm still smiling and trying to keep on keepin on.....Lift myself up and keep moving forward!
Does it ever feel like trouble follows you around and won't cut you any slack? Sometimes it feels like you can't buy a break and everything you try just makes things worse. Who could blame you for feeling sorry for yourself or not forgive a little self-destructive behavior? Bad idea. The new, healthy way to spend down times is to lift yourself up and operate at a higher level. Remember that what happens to you is not who you are. It's history. It's past. Your true self takes that history and decides how to make the best possible future out of it. You have the power to keep your attitude and values from driving into the ditch along with the events in your life. From defeat, you can still emerge victorious.
I've had a couple bad days in a row.....but I'm still smiling and trying to keep on keepin on.....Lift myself up and keep moving forward!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Becoming the person you want to be....
To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- EE Cummings, poet.
Becoming the person you want to be.....
Take a look at your priorities and your goals. Where did they come from? Are they the products of soul-searching, self-analysis, and careful planning? Or are they a reaction to pressures from other people? Did you find them within yourself or within the pages of a magazine? The answers to these questions are important because they tell you if the person you're becoming is someone you want to be.
Here's another way to look at a goal: do you want it, or do you just think you should want it? It's not easy to follow your own direction in life. But it's more possible than you may think. Question everything. Every priority in your life needs to justify why it's there. If you can't come up with a good reason that actually comes from YOU, maybe it doesn't belong.
I struggle with becoming the person I want to be....some days I feel like I get it and my life is on track, the next I feel like a little girl lost in a big world. My comfort comes from a loving family who helps me along the way. My mom, sister and I have a bond that is amazing, inspiring and very special. Our bond isn't unusual but I don't think there are many people that are as lucky as we are to have such a special relationship.
I know this is all in part to the fact that our mother raised us the way she did and that her mother raised her the way she did. Today is my Grandma's birthday - which makes me think of her and smile but have a heavy heart because she passed away over 4 years ago. Her beautiful soul touched any one she met and some of my fondest memories are cooking with her as a child.
I know she is looking down on me and my family now......and thinking
OH BUT..... ;)
Becoming the person you want to be.....
Take a look at your priorities and your goals. Where did they come from? Are they the products of soul-searching, self-analysis, and careful planning? Or are they a reaction to pressures from other people? Did you find them within yourself or within the pages of a magazine? The answers to these questions are important because they tell you if the person you're becoming is someone you want to be.
Here's another way to look at a goal: do you want it, or do you just think you should want it? It's not easy to follow your own direction in life. But it's more possible than you may think. Question everything. Every priority in your life needs to justify why it's there. If you can't come up with a good reason that actually comes from YOU, maybe it doesn't belong.
I struggle with becoming the person I want to be....some days I feel like I get it and my life is on track, the next I feel like a little girl lost in a big world. My comfort comes from a loving family who helps me along the way. My mom, sister and I have a bond that is amazing, inspiring and very special. Our bond isn't unusual but I don't think there are many people that are as lucky as we are to have such a special relationship.
I know this is all in part to the fact that our mother raised us the way she did and that her mother raised her the way she did. Today is my Grandma's birthday - which makes me think of her and smile but have a heavy heart because she passed away over 4 years ago. Her beautiful soul touched any one she met and some of my fondest memories are cooking with her as a child.
I know she is looking down on me and my family now......and thinking
OH BUT..... ;)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I care to much....
Lately I am realzing that I care too much about things that really don't matter in the journey we call life....
I care what everyone else thinks of me, and I tend to stress out due to it....I found this interesting quote:
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden
It's all a matter of perception really....but what if deep down you can't define your character?
This is the trap I get into because I tend to be easily influenced by others.
If I had to choose 5 words to describe my character they would be:
Caring, Passionate, Impulsive, Motivated, Independant
I'm not sure if the people close to me would agree, and often times I feel like a walking contradiction because it's ever changing.
Think about yourself today... what words define you???
I care what everyone else thinks of me, and I tend to stress out due to it....I found this interesting quote:
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden
It's all a matter of perception really....but what if deep down you can't define your character?
This is the trap I get into because I tend to be easily influenced by others.
If I had to choose 5 words to describe my character they would be:
Caring, Passionate, Impulsive, Motivated, Independant
I'm not sure if the people close to me would agree, and often times I feel like a walking contradiction because it's ever changing.
Think about yourself today... what words define you???
Monday, October 6, 2008
Great Indeed is our need to Love.....
I saw this quote today - can't remember where and it got me thinking.
What is Love anyways???
Definition from Wikipedia:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
I think most people have been in love - one form or another....my real question is: Is it better to love someone.......or receive love?
And what about those people who are in love with love?? I fall in that category....I am a highly emotional person and am happiest giving, receiving and hearing about love. Just call me a love junkie. I believe one of the most beautiful forms of love is the unconditional love that occurs between mother and child (ok father and child tooo)...and recently I have discovered being a dog owner - the love of a dog for their owner. There is something so sweet, innocent and special about a dogs love for their owner.
Ok - enough about the L-word.... here is a thought from my daily Kabbalah newsletter...
Survival instinct is the most powerful force on Earth, without question. And it's the ego that holds the trophy for the strongest survival instinct of all. The ego doesn't want to die.
Ego wants to keep us all disconnected from peace, love and Light. It wants to keep each of us full of pain, fear and emotional turmoil. It would prefer we be the lamp in the corner covered with drapes of cloth, without even the tiniest bit of Light shining through. That's what it has always wanted - and it is willing to blind us with doubt in an attempt to desperately delay our progress and transformation.
Today, just say no to ego (ie. SAY NO TO YOUR DOUBTS!)
My daily wisdom - Live, Laugh, Love...
What is Love anyways???
Definition from Wikipedia:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
I think most people have been in love - one form or another....my real question is: Is it better to love someone.......or receive love?
And what about those people who are in love with love?? I fall in that category....I am a highly emotional person and am happiest giving, receiving and hearing about love. Just call me a love junkie. I believe one of the most beautiful forms of love is the unconditional love that occurs between mother and child (ok father and child tooo)...and recently I have discovered being a dog owner - the love of a dog for their owner. There is something so sweet, innocent and special about a dogs love for their owner.
Ok - enough about the L-word.... here is a thought from my daily Kabbalah newsletter...
Survival instinct is the most powerful force on Earth, without question. And it's the ego that holds the trophy for the strongest survival instinct of all. The ego doesn't want to die.
Ego wants to keep us all disconnected from peace, love and Light. It wants to keep each of us full of pain, fear and emotional turmoil. It would prefer we be the lamp in the corner covered with drapes of cloth, without even the tiniest bit of Light shining through. That's what it has always wanted - and it is willing to blind us with doubt in an attempt to desperately delay our progress and transformation.
Today, just say no to ego (ie. SAY NO TO YOUR DOUBTS!)
My daily wisdom - Live, Laugh, Love...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thinking about the New Year?!?!?!
Ok it's approximately 3 months away but the thought of Christmas entered my mind this morning and then the thought of 2009 and all that it will have to offer.
I thought about New years Resolutions and all that I want from 2009.....and my new thinking is why not start now. You don't need to wait for a date to start making changes...new years should be all year long!
Sooo - The New Year is on!
All those wishes and changes and vessel-building — now it's time to start putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak.
Oh boy. We've all make a lot of promises to ourselves before. How do you keep them all?
Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps. That's the name of the game. Slow and gradual.
Today, I'm not going to overwhelm myself with thoughts of how I'm gonna get up that mountain. I'll just start walking. One baby step at a time...
Today is exciting for me - because it's my last day of work this week. I have Friday off which will likely be spent doing some stuff around the house with Kevin (we are finishing our fence, doing some changes/updates before thinking about selling the house). We will also be leaving for Saskatoon which I am WAY excited for. Friday I get to spend chilling with my brothers and my favorite nephew Ryder (ok, my ONLY nephew but you know what I mean :)
Saturday we have a wedding to go to - I have never met the bride or groom but all of Kevin's family will be there and I'm super pumped for that. We always have a good time and I'm sure there will be plenty of laughs and drinking!
That's it for now...here's hoping I can get through the day without "daydreaming" too much :)
I thought about New years Resolutions and all that I want from 2009.....and my new thinking is why not start now. You don't need to wait for a date to start making changes...new years should be all year long!
Sooo - The New Year is on!
All those wishes and changes and vessel-building — now it's time to start putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak.
Oh boy. We've all make a lot of promises to ourselves before. How do you keep them all?
Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps. That's the name of the game. Slow and gradual.
Today, I'm not going to overwhelm myself with thoughts of how I'm gonna get up that mountain. I'll just start walking. One baby step at a time...
Today is exciting for me - because it's my last day of work this week. I have Friday off which will likely be spent doing some stuff around the house with Kevin (we are finishing our fence, doing some changes/updates before thinking about selling the house). We will also be leaving for Saskatoon which I am WAY excited for. Friday I get to spend chilling with my brothers and my favorite nephew Ryder (ok, my ONLY nephew but you know what I mean :)
Saturday we have a wedding to go to - I have never met the bride or groom but all of Kevin's family will be there and I'm super pumped for that. We always have a good time and I'm sure there will be plenty of laughs and drinking!
That's it for now...here's hoping I can get through the day without "daydreaming" too much :)
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