How to get there from here....

Inspired...

2010-02-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever asked yourself:

"What do you
want to do
before you die??"

The Buried Life. I came across this watching MTV one day....it's about four guys traveling together, crossing off their 100 things to do before they die. Every time they cross something off the list they help a stranger with one of their dreams. Such an inspiring idea.

http://www.theburiedlife.com/

So ask yourself and ask someone you know:

"What do you
want to do
before you die??"

My loves....

2010-02-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures of the brats from the last month.

Koda ready to play!

Fast as can be :)

Dutchy always happy :)

Koda always ready to play!

Getting a drink

Dutchess is crazy about hay bales for some reason!

My girlies!

Resting after a long day :)

Letter to Santa

2009-12-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I wanted to write you to tell you, you see,
That Koda and I are grateful pups, she and me.
We love our life, friends and kitty bros,
We consider them part of our pack, and so,
What do I ask you for Christmas this year?
Well, I have a list that's near and dear.

I'd like for all pups needing a home,
To find a family and not need to roam.
I wish for all those scared, cold and hungry,
To be safe, warm and have a nice full tummy.
My hope is for all pets with no family,
To have one of their own, like me, finally.

For those afraid of some of us pups,
I'd like them to learn and shed their prejudice,
Realize that when they label us bad,
It's not always us, and it's very sad.
Help folks realize that breed doesn't matter,
It's the people that raise them, not all the chatter.

Help all the children to learn how to be,
Aware of how to love us, it's really key,
For great friendships with us all of their lives,
They need to understand us, so together we'll thrive.
Help their parents teach them how and to know,
The best ways to be with us, as we both grow.

And to those that keep way too many of us,
Let them know they aren't helping, they need to adjust.
They're making things worse, that's all they're doing,
They continue and continue, their constant pursuing.
We get hungry, angry, sick and can't thrive,
In conditions where we barely survive.

Watch over the pups who help humans each day,
That guide, search and rescue and calm those at bay.
The work that they do is very admired,
They save lives and help with skills they've acquired.
Please give them a special treat in their stocking,
And send them some love when you come a knocking.

For pups that are sick, please help them get well,
We'd be lost without them, we're under their spell.
And if they are old and it's time to go,
Help them make the transition, don't make it slow.
And help those who have lost their very best friend,
Comfort them and share, they'll see them again.

Can you tell folks who are way too mean,
That hurt us, scare us, and keep us too lean,
That they need some help to understand,
We can be their best friend, always at hand.
We'll love, admire and be more than expected,
If only we're loved and highly respected.

Another request that we have for rover,
Is to stop those who breed us over and over.
It's cruel and sad for pups to live that way,
They rarely get care and can never play.
We want to end horrific places like this,
Where only a fat wallet concern exists.

Help people understand, that whenever, and if
Their pup is bad, and starts getting in a riff,
That the pup needs a job, just like all of them,
To be the best they can be, a shining gem.
Training and working is what helps us behave,
It stimulates our mind, it's what we crave.

Please help those who think fighting us is fun,
It's heartless, horrible and something to shun.
While robbing us all of a wonderful life,
The pain and cruelty cuts like a knife.
Share info with all, tall and small,
We're pets to be loved, not to brawl.

I ask that you pay particular attention,
Give a pat on the back and a special mention,
To all the folks who rescue and shelter,
They care and feed and find us an adopter,
Over and over, they never think twice,
They give so much, to be very precise.

That's all I ask for my Christmas gift,
For you to bring these on your evening shift.
Thanks, Santa for listening, it's wonderful to know,
That you grant all our wishes and continue to bestow.
We wish you and everyone a great holiday,
With peace and love - it's the only way.

Loves and licks,
Dutchess & Koda

(Poem Borrowed from: http://blog.johannthedog.com/2009/12/my-letter-to-santa.html

Winter wonderland outing

2009-12-01T14:28:00.000-08:00

After the first major snow of November ( we have majorly been spoiled here!!!) I took the dogs out for a walk. It is unreal how much they LOVE the snow, running through it, eating it, playing in it.

Here are some pictures from our outing.

Koda is my little winter warrior - loves the snow!

Always running - LOVES her ball.

We play a fun game. I throw her ball over the baseball fence and she runs around to get it -makes more exercise for her and a bit less walking for me :)

Action shot as she is running to bring the ball back.

My girls - Dutchess has some snow whiskers :)

A day at the "park"

2009-11-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

I took my dogs for a walk yesterday and we had an awesome time. The weather here has been surprisingly nice the last few weeks and we enjoyed the weather as the sun was going down. Here is a few pictures from our outing:

Here is Koda bringing her favorite red ball for me to throw....no matter how many times I throw it,
she will bring it back to me and wait for more!

We found a hay bale and I was surprised that they could both climb it really easily!

~Koda's look of pure joy~

Dutchess enjoying the scenery.

Dutchess and Koda relaxing for a second - I love my girls!

There is nothing like a dog enjoying the simplest things in life to put a smile on your face
and make you thankful for all that you have.

My Tattoo

2009-11-06T13:56:00.000-08:00

I do this post only to document one of my life changing events. Me and my sister swore we would not post any pictures on facebook etc. of our tattoos that we got together because it's tacky and in the words of someone wise that I used to know:

A tattoo should be a perk that people get for seeing you without clothes on. Don't brag about them. 2/3 of the world seems to have them.

I do agree with this however:

1. Barely anyone reads this blog.

2. I want to document and remember always how I feel about his tattoo.

Ok I know this is a pooor pic but my camera isn't working so I had to take in the mirror with my BB. You can't tell from this picture but this is on my ribcage on my left side. It says:

LOVE

Live with Passion.

Breathe. Smile.

Inspire. Be Free.

My sister and I came up with this quote together. Love is something that is extremely important to both of us and the way we want to live our lives- full of love. The tattoo in total is a reminder of how to live life. We got them together on a February evening in Brandon and I can tell you right now, I never wanted a tattoo but our love and the bond we have......well I get teary eyed thinking about it and anyone who knows us or one of us (as we both will blab on and on about this topic if you give us the chance) will just understand.

No matter where I am it will always be with me and I tend to look at it in the mirror EVERY SINGLE DAY. I think of her and the amazing relationship we have and how I need to strive for the best life possible. LOVE

Quotes for the moment

2009-09-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting application on FB that analyzes your FB status. How many posts, average length, average posts a day etc. You can actually take a look at your statuses from previous months. I found this interesting because I went through some tumultuous times this time last year and I was really sad reading through some of them. I pulled out 4 quotes from that... and they still mean a lot to me.

~Life does not travel in straight lines. Life is meandering and messy, full of surprises, confusion and unexpected moments of struggle and beauty.~

I would rather be hated for who I am.... then loved for who I'm not...

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

~The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.~

I have made some big mistakes in my life. I am far from perfect and don't expect others to be. I hold on to things WAY past their expiration date and even though I move on for the most part....I often rehash the past (typically happens after a few glasses of red ;)

I realized today how unhealthy I was at this time last year and how must healthier I am right at this moment. Am I always strong and smart? NO. I have struggled with so much in the past year, but it's all part of a bigger journey.

Try and try as I might...there are certain things that will linger and I won't be able to let go of. And that's ok. My biggest problem is I haven't received closure for a few things... but I don't think I ever will. And life goes on. It is what it is. And I'm going to focus on living my life the best way possible. I'm going to focus on living: One. Day. At. A. Time.

Cheers :)

Operation Beautiful

2009-09-29T13:31:00.001-07:00

Watch this video:

Sister & her BF

2009-09-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The enemy ;)

2009-09-28T15:39:00.001-07:00

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Game face

2009-09-28T15:28:00.001-07:00

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Riders vs. Eskimos - Sept 26, 2009

2009-09-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

Well me and the hubby made the trek to Edmonton once again this year to see the Riders play the Eskimos at Commonwealth stadium. Saturday started out as a semi-nice day so we made the trip to the game via the LRT forgetting to bring coats or cold-weather wear. BIG MISTAKE. It was very windy and raining at certain points of the game. I darn near froze my butt off and was thankful for the lounge and some alcoholic drinks. We enjoyed the game, I cheered like crazy and the outcome was a big W for the Riders - 23-20 much to my husbands dismay.

It amazes me how many people strike up a conversation with the Rider/Eskimo couple. I had one drunk say "man that's so cool" as we walked by and several people comment on how "that must be true love". I always thinks it's hilarious, and we have had our many fights over football but we have come to a place where we both try not to take it TOO seriously and have some fun with it.

All and all a great weekend and it was very nice to see Kevin's Sister and her boyfriend and do a bit of shopping in the wonderful city of Edmonton!

The Great Sandhills!

2009-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

My parents came to visit this past weekend and we took a trip out to the Great Sandhills near Sceptre, SK. Here's the Sandhills Museum website: http://www.greatsandhillsmuseum.com/

My parents were really impressed with the museum and we really enjoyed the Sandhills. Here are a few pictures from the trip:

Here's a picture of Koda resting a bit between playing...she's 6 and 1/2 months here and still growing like a weed. We got her spayed last weekend so she technically should have been "recovering" still, but I couldn't keep her from running around and enjoying the hills with Dutchess.

It was awesome because it wasn't busy and we were able to let the girls off leash. They enjoyed chasing each other in the sand and got a goood workout. They slept well that night!

We had a great visit with my parents and I was sad to see them off this morning. I really wish I lived closer to all my family! Maybe someday :)

Living, Learning, Letting Go

2009-07-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

I hold grudges. I have a tough time letting go of the past and moving towards the future. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am extremely passionate, will pick a fight just to argue a point that might not even be my own and I love drama. Well maybe not LOVE drama but I seem to attract it and even thrive on it. I'm human :)

I have had a major life change recently and I've realized I just want all of that to go away. Do I want to have passion and a zest for life - yes. Do I want to fight, create choas, have drama in my life. Not anymore. I found this quote and right now in my life more than ever it speaks volumes to me:

♥ Maybe the truth is we hide because we want to be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we let our hearts get broken to see who cares enough to fix them, this is when you start to realize who matters, who never did, and who always will ♥

I turn 27 tomorrow, and right now in my life I'm ready for change. In a sense I'm starting my life in a new light. I'm excited for the future, ready to really let go of some things and make my life the best one possible.

28 by 28

2009-07-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

I'm quickly approaching my 27th birthday and I wanted to make a list of things I must accomplish in the next year. Here goes nothing:

28 by 28

1. Lose 15lbs.
2. Let go of the past.
3. Pay off 2 of my credit cards.
4. Save more.
5. Walk my dogs at least 3 times a week.
6. Cut back on my Internet time.
7. Read more, watch less.
8. Visit T in Winnipeg.
9. Find a new hobby.
10. Complete a triathlon.
11. Get gel nails. Never had them, don't really care to have them but would like to try it once.
12. Take a weekend to go to Saskatoon JUST to visit the boys and Ryder.
13. Finish writing my book. Maybe let someone read it :)
14. Host a party in my home.
15. Take a trip somewhere (not Sask/Mb/or AB)
16. Get my passport.
17. Get myself the perfect "little black dress".
18. Take an HR course.
19. Eat more vegetables.
20. Drink more water.
21. Buy a pair of designer shoes.
22. Buy a designer purse.
23. Spend a week camping or at a cottage.
24. Take a full week of holidays.
25. Take a walk in the rain.
26. Get a massage, pedicure, manicure all on the same day.
27. See a Rider game at Taylor field.
28. Talk less, listen more.

This is the truth!

2009-07-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

Doing things to gain respect or approval from others is a useless pursuit. No amount of praise will satisfy when we are feeling empty inside.

Today, be honest. Are you doing things to please yourself - or to please others? Forget about what people think about you. Do it because you know it’s right for you…and for your soul.

Regrets...

2009-05-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

Regrets, I’ve had a few …

How many of us are stuck in ruts because we cling to past slights, traumas, missed opportunities, and betrayals? The best way to let go and move forward is to acknowledge and accept those negative things you did (or had done to you) as steps on the path that brought you to where you need to be today.

Today, recall the pain of your past. Allow yourself to get to the point where you can accept that they were blessings; the perfect things that helped you build a new you. If you can release your grip on the anger, sadness, and regret, then it will be easier to spot the Light in the darkness.
Article from: http://blog.kabbalah.com/yehuda/2009/03/09/regrets-ive-had-a-few-2/en/

Since doing my "letting go" exercise last week I have felt amazingly light and positive. I am trying to live each day in the moment and enjoy life. It's working well!

Puppy update...

2009-05-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

Koda bear - 13 weeks - 24 lbs

On Saturday I took Koda to the vet for her final round of shots. She is now officially immunized!

I was a bit shocked to know that she weighs 24 lbs. The little pup sure has an appetite. Here are her official weigh-ins since we got her:

March 27 (7 weeks old) - 11.4 lbs
April 18 (10 weeks old) - 16.8 lb
May 9 (13 weeks old) - 24.0 lbs

Steady weight gain is a good sign and it's amazing how different she looks from the day we brought her home.

She is doing very well and I am happy to report that I think she will be a swimmer. Swimming is something that Dutchess isn't super excited about. She doesn't mind getting wet but has a look of fear when swimming unless I am in the water with her. Koda swam on Sunday without a second thought. I'm thinking that because we introduced her early enough it was just a instinct reaction.... I hope that with her positive reaction to swimming she will influence Dutchess to enjoy swimming more. There is nothing better than watching a dog swim out to retrieve something from the water!

Koda has also developed quite a fearless nature, she plays hard and bites Dutchess often. Dutchess has been very gentle with her but you can tell that Koda can wear on her nerves. Dutchess has only "put the puppy in her place" once or twice. I have a feeling there won't be much of a contest for who is boss though - Dutchess is very submissive.

(pictured here sitting on the "dog couch" she doesn't look like a little demon does she? Don't let the puppy eyes fool you :)

(Dutchess in her favorite chair...this is the look of - jeez I'm tired - when will this puppy quit! Koda gets up every morning at about 5am. This is generally the look Dutchess gives me - she comes outside with us but looks like she wishes she could sleep more! )
I am very blessed to have both of these dogs in my life and I am happy to report that it hasn't been that much extra work. Also I can really see the amount that Dutchess's life has been enriched with a second dog!

(Even though Dutchess doesn't look very happy here!)

Puppy joy! This is the look on Koda's face every time she gets excited. Typically accompanied by her whole bum and tail wagging ferociously!

Life is so damn crazy...

2009-05-07T10:38:00.001-07:00

I'm in an amazing mood right now and I wanted to write it down and capture it.
I have been really struggling with life lately, holding onto anger, resentment, heartache, jealousy.... and I decided today to let go of the past and my mistakes and focus on my bright future. It was an cleansing process, I wrote down a letter of exactly how I feel, why, all my emotions and then I burnt it and read and re-read this poem:

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

I have a blessed and amazing life, but I wasn't living it. I was focusing on the past and not living in the moment. And I now feel so light and so lifted from that terrible place that I had put myself in.

The strange crazy thing about today is the only person who would truly understand all this and truly get what I'm going through - but is thousands of miles away and who I cannot reach, called me. My damn cell service often doesn't work at work so I missed the call but just hearing the voice of a loved one and someone who gets me more than anyone made it all OK and solidified how I was feeling. I think this was the universe telling me...."your on the right track".

Life is short and so precious - live it...
And the phrase that I will be telling myself over and over these next few days:

I will love myself. I will learn from the past and not make the same mistakes. I will move forward, respect the past but not dwell on it. I will focus on the future and being present in the moment. I will fear less and love more.

I love this article....

2009-04-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance. - Bruce Barton

I can do this.

Some may think it's impossible, but I know I can do it.

I couldn't have done it in the past, but I can now. I didn't have the knowledge, the strength, the skills or the courage. Now I have more than enough.

Others wouldn't dare to try it, or wouldn't think of it, or wouldn't put the effort into making it happen if thay did, or they just couldn't figure out how. I can.

I am better than I was yesterday, much better than in the past. Others may not see me as different, but that's because they think of the old me, before I grew. Before I knew.

I won't ask why, or whether, or when. I will ask only how to do it.

I will welcome the cooperation and assistance of others, but I won't depend on them. I'm the only one I can depend on 100 percent of the time. If I put my will into it.

When I complete my task, my quest, I will share what I have learned with others. With those who want to learn the easy way what I have learned with my sweat and toil, with my thought and effort, with my courage and devotion from the core of my being.

I will become my goal. I will be my objectives. I will be there in thought long before the reality around me catches up.

When I reach my goal, I will not expect others to accept it readily. As it has taken me much time and effort to change into a new reality, it will take others a while to join me.

The new me that results from this quest will be much more than I am today. As my body aches with effort and creaks with age, my mind will be better than others around me if they allow their minds to atrophy with their bodies.

I will not consider myself superior to them. They had their chances, made their choices and must live with the consequences. I made mine and will glory in my achievement.

I will be different. Not just different from the me of my past, but different from those around me. They will know it, I will know it. That will not daunt my courage or effort.

They will get used to the new me. If not, I will associate with them no longer and begin relationships with those who appreciate me as the new me.

I will know that I am who I am because of what they did or neglected to do in the past. That will not entitle them to own me then any more than it does now. I will not refuse to acknowledge the good they did for me, nor will I hold their neglect and their misguided attempts to mold me to their will (with good intent) against them.

I will be the person I want to be, now, so I can grow into that person rather than twisting and bending to what others who want something different of me. They may not like my independence. That will be their problem, their cross to bear, because I have cast mine off. I will not adopt a cross they formed for themselves as if it were my own.

I can be more and better each day. I will learn from my mistakes, improve and gain wisdom along with my other achievements.

Stick around for the change. Watch it happen. Join me if you dare to live beyond who you are today. I will assist you if you wish my help. I will not cease my quest because you want to quit. If necessary, if you prove that you can't keep up, I will leave you behind.

I will grow each day.

I can do this.

Life...

2009-04-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

Been thinking alot about Life and how I am not taking advantage of it. I feel as though I am just going though the motions and not really living life and I want to change that. Anyone have any advice on getting the most out of life? I would love to hear it. I found this article and wanted to save it in hopes it will help me on my journey to a healthy, happy, peaceful, fulfilling life.

********************************************
Everyone Gets the Same 24 Hours
Life — it’s what we do between the time we get here and when we go. We only get one, and despite what other folks might suppose, it’s ours to determine what to do with it. We don’t measure life in hours and minutes. We measure life in memories and moments.

What do you think of when you read this sentence?

It was the time of my life.

We don’t say that often enough.

The Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life

Life either happens to us, or we take hold of life and live it. Here are 10 Ways to get a life and start living it.

1. Give yourself permission to claim your life. That’s right — permission. You’re the only one who can decide you are in charge of your life. Even though it feels like you’re not supposed to do so, turn off the internal editors, the old tape recordings, the “shoulds, have tos, and musts”, and the rules that didn’t come from you.
________________________________________

2. Define what living means to you. It’s not as hard as it sounds. Just picture yourself at the end of your life looking back. What words would you want to describe how you lived your life and who you are as a person?
________________________________________

3. Stop living in the future. Every time you think “someday” or “when I have time I will,” stop. Ask yourself, “Why not now?” Think about this sentence, “I always wanted to, but never did.” Start doing the things you always planned to do. Choose your life every morning. Plan one thing you will do that day to feel alive.
________________________________________

4. Surround yourself with people who enjoy living. They’ve obviously discovered how to have a life and live it. Why not hang with the pros?
________________________________________

5. Lay down your pain and your anger. Carrying them around makes living harder and less fun. It doesn’t bring anything, and it steals a lot.
________________________________________

6. Let the losers win. Don’t argue about things that you don’t care about. Unless there’s some real threat, let the folks who have something to prove, prove what they need to. Why waste your living time trying to fix what’s wrong with them? ________________________________________

7. Create energy. Jump to forgiveness and love, then figure things out. Most conclusions we jump to are not only wrong, they’re negative. Negative conclusions lead us to prepare a defense. Being on the defensive isn’t living. It’s hiding from life. ________________________________________

8. Learn the physical symptoms of when your head and heart become disconnected. We know when we’re having a knee jerk reaction, when we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, and when we’re being blind to people’s feelings. We can remember how it felt physically while we were behaving badly. Get to know those symptoms, and you can stop the behavior. Living life will feel a whole lot safer because you won’t be in danger of shooting yourself in the foot. ________________________________________

9. Take small risks that push your boundaries in every way. The joy of life is packed in learning that matches our skill set. When we stretch just a bit intellectually, physically, emotionally, we grow. Living is growing. Even your cells know that. ________________________________________

10. Value and protect the people and the places you care about. A job isn’t a life. It’s just a part of one. Let the people you care about come first, and let everyone know that you do.

Re-read numbers 1 and 2. We come into life with whatever we’ve got. It’s ours to do with. It took me a while to figure that out — that my life isn’t just what happens to me, that I could take hold of it. I want to have the time of my life.

You’ve already got a life too. Are you living it?

Written by: “Liz” Strauss

Loves of my life....

2009-04-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

Well the new addition to our home - Koda the 12lbs Husky/Shepherd cross is doing well.

The introduction to Dutchess went a little rocky to start, but they are getting along great now...

She is a bundle of fun, and plays hard and then crashes hard....

The first night was a looong one. She didn't like the kennel and being alone, but when Kevin laid on the floor with her and Dutchess she did sleep, and her second night she slept for a full 5 hours in Dutchess's bed with her.

I love Dutchess to pieces but I realize now what a bond raising a puppy creates. Laying with her while she sleeps.....I'm sure this is what it feels like to have a baby :)

And to end the post, I took this pic today and I think it's pretty darn cute!

Koda!!!!!!

2009-03-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

I finally convinced Kevin that it was a good idea to get a 2nd dog. Lot's of people call me crazy - but animals make me very happy and I can't wait to get our newest addition - Koda!

We took her to the vet on Friday and she is a happy healthy 11.4lbs. We will be picking her up Friday afternoon and after that our lives will be forever changed. Puppies take a lot of work, and I'm prepared for that. Between her, my husband, Dutchess, my cats, and training for a triathlon I'm going to be BUSY!! But I'm looking forward to it. Cause it's my happy, crazy little life and I wouldn't want it any other way!

My sister is in AFRICA!

2009-03-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

Wow....I never thought I would say those words....I have spent the last couple days worring and thinking about my little sis who is embarking on the adventure and journey of a lifetime. I was very happy this morning to see that she has posted on her blog and is doing well.

I share some words from the blog post of hers before she left:

Ubuntu is an African concept basically standing for kindness towards other human beings, for caring, sharing and being in harmony with all of creation. It promotes cooperation between individuals, cultures and nations, an ideal founded on the concept of unity, collective work and responsibility, and empowerment through discipline and common purpose.

What a delightful time for me to come across this powerful, powerful mindset.

For the individual, it means something like, "I am who I am because of who we all are."
I know, that I am who I am, because of who you all are. Thank you to everyone, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me to grow to be the person who I am right now, getting ready to leave Saturday morning on this adventure.

I am who I am because of my sister Tamara. I am sooo proud of you sister!!

Daily Kabbalah email....

2009-03-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

I get a daily inspirational email from a Kabbalah site and I had to share this morning.....

There's this force inside of us that wants to destroy everything that is good in our lives.

It especially likes to seep into our relationships and wreak havoc there because it knows herein lies the greatest potential for our happiness.

Today, find one relationship where there is discord and do what you can to make peace.

I have tried my hardest in the last year to make amends and apologize to people from my past where our relationship has ended badly or there are hard feelings on either side. It is an amazing and cleansing feeling when you say I'm sorry. Even if the person still harbours bad feelings you are able to let go of the ones you have. It's not healthy to stay angry.

I also agree that everyone has a part of them that wants to destroy everything good in their life.

On another note, my baby sister is getting ready for the adventure of a lifetime, she leaves at the end of this week for Africa. I am extremely proud of the journey that she is going on and very happy for her, but sad at the same time due to the fact that there will only be small amounts of contact...... I'm used to talking via email everyday and on the phone normally once a week. My heart and spirit will be with her though...........even with her thousands of miles away all I have to do is look at the tattoo on my ribcage and feel the LOVE.

The Darkest Evening of the Year.

2009-03-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the book "The Darkest Evening of the Year" by Dean Koontz.
It was a pretty good read and there were a couple parts that really help define in words some of my feelings:

Golden Retrievers are not bred to be guard dogs, and considering the size of their hearts and their irrepressible joy in life, they are less likely to bite than to bark, less likely to bark than to lick a hand in greeting. In spite of their size, they think they are lap dogs, and in spite of being dogs, they think they are also human, and nearly every human they meet is judged to have the potential to be a boon companion who might, at any moment, cry "Let's go!" and lead them on a great adventure.

(this describes my Lab exactly).

Amy believe that dogs had a spiritual purpose. The opportunity to love a dog and to treat it with kindness was an opportunity for a lost and selfish human heart to be redeemed. They are powerless and innocent, and it is how we treat the humblest among us that surely determines the fate of our souls.

The geometry of judgement is a circle. Hate is a snake that turns to consume itself from the tail, a circle that diminishes to a point, then to nothing. Pride is such a snake, and envy, and greed. Love, however, is a hoop, a wheel, that rolls on forever. We are rescued by those whom we have rescued. The saved become the saviors of their saviors.

Milk

2009-03-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

Academy award winner Sean Penn stars in the movie Milk.

I would rate the movie a 6 or 7 out of 10. If a person can get over the amount of gay kissing (which happens a tad bit more than needed I think)...it's a touching movie. I had an extremely hard time watching Sean Penn and James Franco kiss, they just seemed tooooo into it.

It really got me thinking though about how much inequality there was and still is for people that are "different". It showed the struggle that most gay people go through and the fighting it took to get them equal rights.

I HAD a limited opinion about being gay that I'm not proud of. I am ashamed to say that I once argued that gay people should not be able to marry because it destroys the sanctity of what marriage is. My view has greatly changed since that day. What person would choose a life of ridicule and harassment???? I believe every person has the right to be happy and live freely and if that means two men being married - why not?

I wouldn't say the movie Milk was GREAT, it will definately not be most people's cup of tea....but Sean Penn played a convincing role. Was it good enough to have won best Actor? I haven't seen all of the other roles that were nominated so I don't feel I can fairly say yes, but I will say.... like EVERY role Sean Penn takes on - he committed 100% of himself and then some!

Crazy...

2009-03-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?” Albert Einstein

This week was an unusual one, and it ended with someone calling me crazy and about the 4th person that week to look at me with part amusement and part pity maybe....The topic was that fact that I'm looking for a second dog. You are either a dog person or your not, and I understand that many people don't understand my love for animals and my dog Dutchess. But to be quite honest - I like dogs alot more than I like people for the most part. They are simple, giving and caring and just not complicated. What you see is what you get. I have spent 9 weeks of the last 3 and 1/2 months alone due to the fact my husband was working up north. My dog Dutchess is always excited to see me and always up for a jog or a game of catch. I can rely on her to be there for me no matter what. And honestly I don't care if people don't get it. The people that matter to me and that have met Dutchess get it.

So the hunt for dog #2 begins. And this is as much for Dutchess as it is for me. She home during the day and I would love for her to have a companion that likes her (the cats - not so much)... I really want a German Shepherd and I'm not sure if it will happen as the breeder we know doesn't think the litter they were expecting is going to happen, we are trying to find another breeder but I would be happy with another lab....they are a loving, affectionate, playful breed.

The reason for the love of German Shepherds? Well they are beautiful, powerful, smart dogs that are extremely loyal. One of my favorite movies - I am Legend has a wonderful Shepherd Sam who demonstrates how smart and loyal these dogs are.

Honestly each to their own. If I want to have dogs - I'm going to and I don't really see why people feel the need to judge. It's my life!!

Bill Cosby....

2009-03-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote a while ago and it is SOOO true:

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

Here is another Cosby quote that I find interesting:

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, I have to come into town on Saturday to take my pooch to the vet, and I think we will enjoy the scenic Chinook pathway as well. I'm glad the weather is finally going to be NICE!!

Had to share this....

2009-03-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

One of the mysterious processes of spirituality is sometimes things get so dark we're required to become broken in order that we can completely let go of our old belief systems. Old vessels need to be traded in for new ones.

This process is called 'exile' and it's the period before a huge revelation of Light.

Today, don't fight what you are going through. Now is the time all your study and efforts are being put to the test.

Early Riser...

2009-03-12T05:34:00.001-07:00

I have struggled the last few years with getting up early. I used to be an early riser but love my sleep and got trapped in the cycle of sleeping too much. I read an article yesterday and realized that I am missing out on some things that when I get home I am just to tired to do, so I figured, lets wake up at least 1/2 hour earlier and see what happens...I woke up at 5:30am, and have already exercised and am going to be ready for my day at 7am....when usually I'm rushing around still at 7:30am when I should be leaving for work. This is drastically going to change my productivity because I will be at work early, get stuff done in the am I was just simply missing out on and feel energized for the day....

Here's the article: Early Riser...

Dreams....

2009-03-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

I dream....A LOT.

Sometimes I have good dreams...really good dreams. Sometimes I have nitemares. Lately its been more bad then good. Last night I had a unbelievable REAL feeling dream that when I woke up I really felt like it had happened. I HATE THAT cause I end up thinking about it for the rest of the day. I've learnt though that it's probably best not to tell the person you dreamt about, about the dream.

He's just not that into you....

2009-03-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the book turned major motion picture: "he's just not that into you".
All I have to say is GENIUS. The concept is dead on and I really wish I would have come across this book about 9 years ago when I was in college. May have saved me much heartache!

The concept is simple:
"if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his wayk. And if he's not sane , why would you want him?"
"All the years I'd been complaining about men and there mixed messages; now I saw they weren't mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed up. Because the fact was, these men had simply not been that into me".

The book goes on and breaks it down by the type of guy....examples:
He's Just Not that into you if he's not calling you.
He's Just Not that into you if he's having sex with someone else.
He's Just not that into you if he's Married (and Other Insane variations of being unavailable).
He's Just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak

I'm only part way through the book but it just made things make sense when looking back on many of my pre-marriage relationships...and all I have to say is THANK GOD I AM NOT DATING! I plan to keep it that way!

Quote

2009-03-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

The only thing you own is your story...I'm watching the movie Australia and this quote stuck a cord with me. Material possessions come and go. All you truly have is yourself and your life experiences!

2009-03-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

I was in a sad mood today and looking through my previous posts to find some inspiration...I came across this one and it really spoke to me today. These life lessons are so true and I often stuggle in many of these areas. I love this list.

Here are some thing that I believe/have learned...let's call them My life lessons:
-I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
-I've learned that no matter how much I care some people just don't care back.
-I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
-I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
-I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
-I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
-I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
-I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
-I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
-I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
-I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
-I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
-I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
-I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
-I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
-I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt in the process.
-I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
-I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.

Confidence vs. Ego

2009-02-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

If you let your head get too big it'll break your neck.- Elvis Presley

Having confidence vs. having an ego
Having confidence in your abilities is an important part of life. But how do you know when you're crossing the line into building an ego? Someone who is always bragging about himself not only sours the relationships with those around him, but also develops his actions into a pattern that is hard to reverse. Do you alienate people around you with your ego? Have you crossed the line of confidence to egotistical? Instead of bragging about your accomplishments, discuss how you got there or the people that helped you along the way. This way you can share your success in an endearing way without making it all about you. Take the focus off of yourself for a moment and think about how your success can be a tool to help others achieve the same.

I love the quote, and know many people that fit into this "ego" category. I just feel sad for these people, can you ever truly feel emotions if your only looking out and thinking about yourself??

Things that make me smile....

2009-02-26T13:55:00.001-08:00

I have been a bit "down" lately, maybe it's the weather, or the fact my husband is away working up north or just the "winter time blues". I thought I would put together a miscellaneous list of things that and make me smile....

1-Peanut M&M's.
2-Rain
3-The look a dog gives you when they are not sure what your asking, the head tilt makes me smile every time.
4-The touch of a loved one on the small of your back. Nothing makes me melt more.
5- My tattoo, every time I see it I think of my sis and the love we have for one another.
6-The feeling you get after a hard workout.
7-Red wine, specifically Naked Grape because that is what we served at the wedding and it always makes me think of that day.
8-Gerber Daisy's in all sorts of colours...who needs roses??
9-Being warm, I'm always freezing, I especially love the feeling of getting home and putting on sweats and a huge comfy sweater - nothing cozier.
10-Showers with the lights off........ This might not make sense but it's the most amazing thing ever.
11 - Rest stops.
12 - late night dance parties.
13 - Hot chocolate on a cold day.
14 - Fortune cookies
15 - Lengthy conversations over wine about life, love and everything in between.

Lightness and Darkness

2009-02-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Life appears complicated, but it's not. We complicate our own lives. We create chaos out of order. We mess things up, continually making matters worse because we just don't understand what life is about or how it works.

The first thing we need to understand is that life is as simple as darkness and Light. I am not speaking metaphorically when I say Light. Only two things exist in this world: darkness and Light. Life appears complicated because darkness has a nearly endless variety of shades, and Light comes in countless colors.

Nonetheless, at the heart of all that exists, you will either find darkness or Light.Today, put your tasks and thoughts into two columns: darkness and light. At the end of the day, see what you can do to eliminate those things that fall into the 'darkness' category. And do less 'darkness' tomorrow.

I really like this concept. I think about it in the way of Positive and Negative. There are tons of Negative or "darkness" that I allow in my life when I really don't need to. I need to focus on the positive "light" and tread less in the negative things that bring a person down.

10 Rules for being Human...

2009-02-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

What an interesting day...

2009-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

Thought for the day:
When we forgive, we can look at the person who hurt us from a whole new angle. Maybe this person is here to show us we are not open as we thought, maybe they are here to push us to go to a new level, maybe they are removing judgment from our life.

Whatever the reason, forgiveness brings empathy, it brings understanding, and it brings us out of the inner-dialogue of blame and regret.

Today, put the scales of justice away and say "shush!" to the vengeful voice in your mind. Just forgive. Because from a kabbalistic point of view, you can never know how the Light feels unless you know forgiveness.

Nightmare....

2009-02-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

I had the most awful dream last night...I woke up feeling so shaken, like every detail from my dream had been true. The sad thing is, what I dreamt about is a truth that I failed to see a couple months ago...I wish I would have had this dream then - it would have saved me some pain - at the same time I believe everything happens for a reason and there is a lesson to be learned from everything.

Dreams are an interesting thing aren't they?? My sister wrote about this topic not too long ago and I wanted to share her words:

Tap Into Your Dreams
There are so many uncertainties in life.

One of the beautiful things about Kabbalah is it teaches us how to tap into another world where there is certainty, where there is an answer to every question. It's called asking for a sign.
The best technique I've found for getting signs is asking for an answer to a specific question before you go to sleep (ideally after scanning a portion of Zohar .)

Not, 'show me who my soul mate is' but rather, 'is so-and-so my soul mate?'

You might see the answer in a dream, or wake up with one, or get an obvious answer during the day. However it comes to you, you can have total certainty about the situation because you downloaded the information from the 99% while you slept.

Practice tonight before bed.

Be clear about our question and trust your soul to guide you to the truth.

I have tried this a couple times, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I believe it's all about timing and maybe some of the questions you are asking aren't meant to be seen now but if you keep asking, when the time is right the answer will come to you.

I also wanted to share an article about change.....right now change is the focus on many people's mind. The new year has many people thinking about what they want to achieve. I know right now there are many "resolutioners" at the gym working hard on changing their bodies...I thought this article was quite true and maybe why so many people struggle with change?

Do you want to change? Really?

Ok. Here's a top secret Kabbalah secret. Do this and you will change whatever it is that needs improving. No more running to ask people what to do or reading the quick fix books or however else you're spinning your wheels while not changing. Here it is, one word that will change your take on change: disgust.

When you can get to the level where you are disgusted with the behavior, when you see how filthy it is making you and your soul, you'll no longer have to try to change. You just will.

Pick one thing you want to change. Mull it over. Take in the stench. And when you're disgusted, you know you're ready to change.

This is a very different way to look at change, and I can see places where this wouldn't work. But it's an interesting concept that could help someone to get the motivation to finally change.

**********************************************************************************

On a happy note my hubby is home today, after spending 3 weeks WAY up north. People take many things for granted..... the little kiss goodnight before going to bed, the way sleeping feels with another person in bed, someone there to help feed the dog for a change, coming home to a house that isn't empty, the wet towel on the bathroom floor, talking about nothing at all.......

All the things you don't really think about but that bring a smile or in some cases a grimace to your face. And it makes you realize that if tomorrow came and that person was no longer, life just wouldn't mean the same thing anymore.

I take so many things for granted and always push and strive for more, more, more.....but I'm starting to accept the beautiful things I have in my life. To find comfort in them and realize that any dissatisfaction I feel is unwarranted and that I need to refocus on the wonderful things I already have.....contentment is a hard thing for most people. "The grass is always greener" type mentality seems to plague our society. That is why when you stop looking for satisfaction in material things and start finding it within yourself....life seems to take on a new brighter meaning.

This picture to me is cozy contentment :)

2009-02-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

When the rest of the world runs screaming from a painful occurrence, the kabbalist goes towards it with a knowing smile, there is Light in this darkness ... .Rav Ashlag, founder of The Kabbalah
Centre in 1922, taught this: when going through pain, be happy about the process. It means your capacity for everything is being expanded. But, you must be happy about the process in order to let in the Light your pain revealed. Otherwise, it's just never-ending. And that's when pain turns into suffering.

Today, when faced with uncomfortable thoughts, emotions or sensations, pay attention to any avoidance behaviors and allow yourself to resist. Know that it's happening to help you expand. Just keep chewing until the bitter becomes sweet.

Triathlon

2009-02-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

I started Day 1 today......which really means nothing because the program I have really eases you into it. I'm actually going to be doing just bike/run for the first month and then add swimming in.....I really hope we move to Swift before that - but it's unlikely to happen. Either way I'm committed to this journey, and I hope at the end I will be in the best mental and physical shape of my life. I have dreams of running an Ironman someday....

What do you believe in???

2009-01-30T11:52:00.000-08:00

This is straight from the book I'm reading:

Taking refuge is the first step on the Buddhist path to inner freedom, but it is not something new. We have been taking refuge all our lives, though mainly in external things, hoping to find security and happiness. Some of us take refuge in money, some in drugs. Some take refuge in food, in mountain-climbing or in sunny beaches. Most of us seek security and satisfaction in a relationship with a man or a woman. Throughout our lives we have drifted from one situation to the next, always in the expectation of final satisfaction. Our successive involvements may sometimes offer temporary relief but, in sober truth, seeking refuge in physical possessions and transient pleasures merely deeps our confusion rather than ending it.

WOW......does this paragraph ring true with you?? For me it does. Everyone I know has struggled with some sort of addiction or expectation of satisfaction. But it truly can't come from external things. Satisfaction must come from within a person's being.

Treading the Buddhist path should lead to a transformation in the self: a continuous refining of both thought and action, of the way we relate to others and to the world we live in and finally of our self-understanding.

I'm not the type of person to jump headfirst into anything or believe something to be the be all end all. But I am finding there are many concepts and ideals within Buddhism that I really agree with.

Longing for a simpler being...

2009-01-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a book recently on Buddhism and so far there are many thoughts, beliefs and feelings that I agree with.

One of the biggest things that I want to work towards is living a simpler life. A life that is not as distracted by material possessions and the outward need of approval etc. I want to feel calm, simple and at ease with myself.

Buddhism talks about the Three Poisons: Desire or Greed, Hatred/Anger, and Ignorance

I wanted to share this article I found as I think all of us could do some good by ridding Greed, Anger and Ignorance.

How to turn "Greed, Anger, Ignorance" into "Precepts, Deep Concentration, Wisdom"

Buddhism teaches Kruna (compassion), but it also focuses on prajna (wisdom), which is inherent in everybody and it can only be manifested by eliminating ignorance by self-cultivation. By using prajna, one is able to turn "greed, anger, and ignorance" into "precepts, meditation, and wisdom".

"Greed, Anger, Ignorance" together are known as the Three Poisons . These are sources of all illusions and desires. These three poisons continuously pollute people's lives, and are obstacles of Enlightenment.

GREED
Greed is a DESIRE or lust; one tries to get hold of something and to get more and more of it. Greed is one of the causes of thefts, some people steal because they're greedy, and they are not satisfied with what they already have. There was a story about a very greedy man who loves candies. One day, his wife bought a jar and organized all his candies in the jar for him. However, when he put his hand in the jar to get candies, he could not pull his hand out again! No matter how hard he pulls, his hand is still stuck in the jar. The wife was so worried that she called the firemen to help break the jar open to free his hand. When the jar was broken, they found that the reason why his hand was stuck in the jar was because he grabbed a hand-full of candies and refused to let go, but the jar opening was too small for him to pull the candies out all at once. If he had taken one candy at a time, the firemen wouldn't have to break the jar open to free his hand. Desire, as Tanha, is considered as being one of the Three Daughters of Mara as well.

ANGER
Anger arises when there is rejection on one's wishes; one becomes displeased. It comes in many forms: HATRED, jealousy, abuse, and cruelty. Anger is basically caused by a false belief that the illusory self has loss control over something that is important. When I was in high school, I had a friend who doesn't know how to control his anger. Once he was angry because his teacher would not accept his homework that was handed in late. He was so angry that he started hitting everything in site (i.e., lockers, walls). And as he was walking and wasn't looking where he was going, he hit his hand right into the glass of the fire extinguisher unit and his hand started to bleed right away from the broken glass. From his behavior, we could learn that when we are angry, we are very vulnerable to dangers because we do not have a clear mind and we become very aggressive. However, in the end, we are the one who gets hurt, mentally or physically. The Meditation on the Three Contemplations Sutra states:
If anger rises and you desire
to harm another being
already you have harmed
yourself far more than him.

And that is why you must
often think on compassion;
for compassion keeps from rising
all thought of anger, evil, and pain.

The Buddha said that anger was one of the Five Hindrances , which are state of mind that make us difficult to learn dharma. Therefore, anger causes the loss of all goodness.

IGNORANCE
Ignorance or delusion is a wrong perception of the world. There is a parable from the Scripture of One Hundred Parables. The story is a about a woman who only has one son, but she wanted to have more sons. The woman's friend told her that she has a way to help the woman to pray for more sons but she needs to make a sacrifice. The woman was told that she needs to kill her only son as a sacrifice to get more sons. When the foolish woman was about to kill her only son, a wise man approached her and stopped her and told her how foolish she is giving what she has now to hope for something that might not happen. Some ignorant people do not realize that they're doing something harmful to others and to themselves, and furthermore hope to born to the heaven. These three poisons circle around our world, poisoning our souls, blinding us from seeing the true path to enlightenment. They are poisons that prevent us from leaving the cycle of birth and death. All the worries we get sprung from the three poisons. However, the three poisons can be arrested through "Precepts, Meditation, and Wisdom".

"Precepts, Deep Concentration, Wisdom" are known as the "Three Pillars". They are the guidelines to our lives. When we practice the "three pillars", we'll be walking further away from the "three poisons".

Precept is the training in moral discipline; it prevents wrongdoing. There is the Five Precepts which is no killing, no stealing, no sexual misconduct, no lying, and no intoxication (see Sila , moral conduct in Buddhism).

Deep Concentration is achieved through meditation (see Shikantaza as well as Samadhi ). It is the training of the mind. It eliminates the scattering characteristic of ordinary mind and allows it to look directly at itself.

Wisdom is the training in clear perception. A verse from the Platform Sutra of the Sixth Patriarch, Hui-neng states:

If your mind is in balance,
What need is there to work at morality?
If your behavior is correct,
What use is meditation to you?
If you understand mercy,
Then you still naturally care for your parents.
If you understand faithful conduct,
Then all society will be in order.

Respect of others and ourselves is the key to balancing the mind. If you know how to respect ourselves, we would not be as anxious, therefore our mind would be balanced and practicing morality would be a natural process. We need to free ourselves from thinking that practicing morally is a stiff confinement. Morality is actually the key to our liberation. Deep concentration is from practicing meditation, however, meditation cannot be practiced well without morality. Once we have a balanced mind, and understand morality, our lives would be in accord with the deepest level of meditation. From deep concentration, we get wisdom. By meditation and wisdom, one cultivates one's mind, clearing the clouds of ignorance that is blocking the road to enlightenment. Therefore, it is very important for us to practice the "three pillars" all the time in order to prevent ourselves from being "poisoned" by "Greed, Anger, and Ignorance".

Thought for the day...are you or have you recently felt greed, anger, ignorance/avoidance about something? Let it go.....it's poisoning your well being!

2009-01-23T14:15:00.000-08:00

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. Barack Obama

I'm have hope and dreams for the US and the world.....Barack has a lot of work ahead of him though and I truly believe it's probably only going to get worse before it gets better. What an inspiring man though!

Too often we try to find change or ourselves in others. Everything we need and are looking for is within ourselves. Only then can others compliment our lives, enrich and fulfill us!

Someone once told me...I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody... I'm a people pleaser and I struggle with failing because I'm always trying to please and do for others. This year will be the year of ME, and not caring so much about hurting or pleasing others. That said I have the biggest heart and I know that part of me will always have the struggle to care. I will find that balance and hopefully enjoy life and others MORE because of it!

People Come into Your Life...

2009-01-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live!

Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.Think About it? Was it worth it?

Looking forward to the weekend...

2009-01-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

The weekend is here and I have big plans to go visit friends in Moose Jaw. I am very excited!

Here is my thought for today...

“Instant Karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin' to do,
it's up to you, yeah you…”
"Instant Karma" by John Lennon

I am really not a religious person nor a superstitious person but I do believe in karma.

You can’t hurt other people intentionally and expect to be showered with rewards and good lucks. That’s not how karma works. Don’t expect to get away with murder. You can’t. You can run but someone or something will eventually catch up with you. Don’t expect yourself to be happy and your life smooth-sailing when you’ve just cheated somebody and cruelly stepped on his/her face.

Pull somebody down and somebody will not only pull you down but throw you off a ravine. Scheme to make someone fail and others will scheme for you to not only fail but lose your sanity. Steal something and other people will steal not only your property but your soul. Treacherously break somebody’s heart into two and somebody will break your heart into a million pieces.

What you sow, you reap.
What goes around, comes around.
Every action has a consequence.
Don’t think your bad deeds and past sins won’t haunt you and torment you.

It will.

Right, John?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

2009-01-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
—Arnold Schwarzenegger

How true is this quote. Without pain there wouldn't be pleasure. Without struggles you wouldn't be strong. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

I have realized in every facet of my life that you have to keep going. Keep struggling along. Persistence is one of the best traits .......

I truly believe this, at the same time my struggle is worrying too much. Over analysing. And I've learned that I just have to accept and let go. It is what it is!

Not an Option...

2009-01-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

I saw Will Smith on a talk show a while ago and he said something that I though made perfect sense:

WILL SMITH has found the perfect way to keep a marriage on track - rule out divorce.The movie star has been married to actress wife Jada Pinkett Smith for a decade and insists they'll never split because divorce isn't an option for them.He explains, "Divorce can't be an option - it's really that simple. If you just remove the option... because, if you have the option, one day that person's gonna make you wanna divorce."That's been a huge part of the success for she (Pinkett Smith) and I... We're like, 'Listen, we're gonna be together one way or the other so might as well try and be happy."

Anyone who is married knows that you go through cycles with your spouse. There will be days that you are head over heels in love - but they will more than likely be few and far between. Real life happens....and from my perspective people tend to take their feelings out on the people they love the most .....there will be days when you dislike/hate your spouse, when you don't get along, when nothing seems right. I have only been married for just under 1 and 1/2 years and I'm not going to lie, we have already had our struggles. Something changes when you get married. Maybe there is more security so people stop doing the little things and take each other for granted.

My philosophy.....it's going to take work. Your going to have to work at your relationship EVERY SINGLE DAY. I think I'm pretty lucky and have one of the good ones...he is willing to work on it with me...... most days anyways ;)

**********************************************************************************

New years Resolutions??? It's Jan 7th and I wondering how many people have fallen off their target already. I kinda hate this time of year, as the gym is flooded with people....unfortunately due to a sprained shoulder I haven't been able to hit the gym yet in the new year, but I am resting up and healing - I plan to run a Triathalon in August (my resolution) and I need to make sure that I'm healthy! I am continuing to fight through it a bit and do cardio ....but I can't wait to get back at it full force!

Quote for the day:

“A champion is one who gets up when he can't.” Jack Dempsey

Not a good start to 2009!

2009-01-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

Well really my start to 2009 has been good, other than hurting my back and barely being able to move without pain... things have been great. I had a great Christmas at home with my family and then Kevin and I had a full week together at home in Gull Lake.

It's weird how quickly holidays fly by, but for the first time in a looong time, maybe ever - I felt rested and ready to head back to work today. Might have something to do with the fact that I really enjoy my job!!

Anyways here is a quote for some inspiration for 2009 and the change ahead:

Our destiny changes with our thoughts;
we shall become what we wish to become,
do what we wish to do, when our habitual
thoughts correspond with our desires.
—Orison Swett Marsden

Resolutions and Goals for 2009

2008-12-31T07:30:00.000-08:00

*Run the Clearlake Triathalon in August. Sprint Triathlon 750m Swim / 20k Bike / 5k Run

*Read a book a month.

*Be mindful. LIVE each day.

*Camping trip at least 1x this summer.

*Make one new friend.

I may add to this list......

2009

2008-12-31T06:55:00.000-08:00

A rather different approach to planning for 2009

As I plan for 2009 and reflect on all that happened in 2008, I realize that there are several things I was tolerating in 2008 which will not be a part of my 2009.

You may choose to call this "adhering to boundaries" or "acknowledging and eliminating pet peeves", I simply refer to it as clearing space.

After all, if my energy isn't being drained by the things which take, rather than nourish, there's more space for those things which I want to attract.

Here's a partial list of those things (and people) which (who) won't be coming with me into the New Year (warning, this isn't for the faint-hearted):

*Companies who don't know the meaning of customer service or who retain employees who don't believe in it (I'm boycotting).

*Negative Nellies (I wish them well and would gleefully welcome them back into my life if they could display some optimism).

*Worry & Stress. Although I know that to some degree a small bit of each are normal and healthy, I often let my emotions get the best of me...so 2009 will be the year I try to calm, relax and think with a clear head at least 90% of the time :)

This is about respecting my time, energy and "self" -- after all, those things we tolerate have a way of taking over and affecting our creativity, ability to manifest and general well-being. And my family, friends, and people I work with, deserve the best me I can give them.

Please leave me a comment and let me know what you were tolerating in 2008 and how your 2009 will be different -- And remember, YOU control your environment -- no one else.

Two Kinds of People.

2008-12-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

Those who are Lifters

There are two kinds of people on earth today;
Just two kinds of people, no more, I say.

Not the sinner and saint, for it's well understood,
That the good are half-bad and the bad half-good.

Not the rich and the poor, for to rate a man's wealth,
You must first know the state of his conscience and health.

Not the humble and proud, for in life's little span,
Who puts on vain airs, is not counted a man.

Not that happy and sad, for the swift flying years
Bring each man his laughter and each man his tears.

No; the two kinds of people on earth I mean,
Are the people who lift, and the people who lean.

Wherever you go, you will find in earth's masses,
Are always divided in just these two classes.

And oddly enough, you will find too, I ween,
There's only one lifter to twenty who lean.

In which class are you? Are you easing the load,
Of overtaxed lifters, who toil down the road?
Or are you a leaner, who lets others share
Your portion of labor, and worry and care?

What do you really Need????

2008-12-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

I have been slightly depressed but mostly angry at how commercial and materialistic Christmas has become. OK, who am I kidding it has been this way for all of my life! It hit me hard this year though, as I was wondering aimlessly through the mall trying to purchase gifts for my family. Most people I know have everything they "need" and most of the things they "want". Yes I love giving gifts to people, but I often feel like I'm just buying people one more thing that will sit on a shelf to collect dust.

I think with the economy on the downturn and many people facing financial problems due to too much debt etc., pretty soon people have got to realize that they need to change and deal with the reality of what really matters.

Along with that I think people need to face the spiritual crisis of figuring out who they are and who they choose to be. Our spending and greed for material things that we think will define us really should be put in check. We have a wake-up opportunity to get real and be real with each other by finding ways to show love, give love, be love without spending a lot of money! It's a chance for us to look beneath the surface, into the culture of excessive more, more, more.

We need to shift the way we think about our lives. We may need to search deeply to recognize what matters. Think about it - what would it take to make YOU happy??? Most people don't know what to say...they forge an answer about family and friends, and yet their lives are about everything else.

Everything in life has meaning. The bigger the fall the greater the lesson. Think deeply today - what is the most important thing to you and how can you make changes to put your priorites in check????

Another Friday!

2008-12-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

Today is Friday, and the end of another work week for me. It got me to thinking about how many people in the world, just live each day thinking or dreaming of another....waiting, hoping, wishing to be somewhere else, or just dredging through there day not really listening or hearing or thinking about anything.

I know myself I have been stuck in this rut many times before of just getting by. Just passing time. Personally I feel this is no way to live life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and every moment, every connection, every feeling cherished and felt.

I am guilty of often trying to turn myself off and to go through my day numb - because I am an extremely emotionally charged person. Someone who feels happiness to the greatest magnitude out of a tiny gesture. Someone who feels love all encompassing from a hug or a smile or a message of a loved one. I think to truly live - you must have and feel all emotion - happiness, sadness, love etc. But sometimes I find my emotional being to be too much. I love hard but I hurt hard. I can go from truly happy to truly hateful in 5 seconds. Sometimes at the end of the day - I lay in bed feeling like I have run a marathon and have nothing left. Absolutely exhausted and drained because of all that I feel and think.

I wish I could find balance within myself - but would that be changing who I am???? Maybe I am the lucky one, the person who feels so much.....I know a lot of people who just don't have that, or have it but in a negative way. I know the answer to all this is loving myself and feeling balance within, because then I would be able to experience and feel all that I need to without having the emotional drain that it causes me now.

But that leads into another question. How do you find balance within? How do you love yourself? This is something I struggle with....and it partly has to do with body issues I have had since I was very young. I'm working on it - and although it's still a work in progress, I am much closer to being able to completely love myself.....

And isn't that the ultimate goal, to love yourself and spread love and kindness to others....that is beyond everything else the way that I want to approach each day.

Sooo my new personal mantra:

Live with Passion
Love Deeply
Laugh Often

Marley & Me

2008-12-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a second to review the book Marley & Me. I read it this week and have about 2 chapters left. I couldn't bring myself to read the last chapters last night before I went to bed, because ultimately I know how it ends and I didn't want to cry myself to sleep :)

Perhaps it is because I am recently married and we have a year old labrador retriever that I enjoyed John Grogan’s story of life and love. Grogan takes you through the first fifteen years of his marriage by focusing on the events of their yellow lab, Marley. Overall, the story of the “world’s worst dog” was very enjoyable.

I wonder whether or not you need to be a dog lover to enjoy the book. I hesitate to say no, because it has a similar feel to Old Yeller or any other story focused around a dog.

The book caused me to laugh several times, and brought me to tears a couple of times and I know that the ending will for sure.

I'm excited to see the movie out this christmas....Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston -it looks like a good family movie.

I only hope that I get to enjoy 13+ years with my Lab - Dutchess.

Energy Vampires...

2008-12-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh the Engery Vampire....we all know one. And at this time of year, when people are stressed to the max and lacking energy as it is...well it's good to think about where you are spending your energy.

(Ok this is Edward from Twilight - who is definately not an "energy vampire" but super hot.

Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to your life. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out. Or guilty. Or exhausted down to your very last molecule. I call them energy vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms. The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight. The charmer is a constant talker or joke-teller who has to be the center of attention. The blamer, on the other hand, doles out endless servings of guilt. And then there's the drama queen, the co-worker who claims she almost died from a high fever or the neighbor who lives in extremes of emotion—life is unbelievably good or horrifically bad.

No matter which type of energy vampire you're dealing with, you're allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We're afraid of being thought of as impolite; we don't want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to remove yourself from a killing conversation. When leaving isn't an option, you can still maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments.

Recognize the Signs

One of the first things to do is to recognize when you're being drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical reactions. Is there a tightening in your chest when a certain person enters the conversation? Do you feel tired when you hang up the phone after speaking with someone? Does your head ache, or do you feel what I call "slimed" when another guest at a cocktail party starts talking to you?

Take a Deep Breath

The moment you feel zapped—or hemmed in, or stressed out—I recommend taking a breath. Breathing is a wonderful way to center yourself. Just follow the breath and tell yourself that you know what's happening and you can deal with it. It's important to remember our individual power. I know from working with patients that we can lose it easily. The minute somebody comes in who's bossy or blaming, we feel diminished and tense up. If we can focus on the breath, or on an image of a striking sunset or a view from a mountaintop, the tension will drift away.

Use Your Energy

You can also use some of your own subtle energy to counter the effects of an energy vampire. Visualize a protective white light around you: an energy shield. You can still hear the person who's yelling at you or blaming you or pushing herself into your sphere, but she won't cut into you so viscerally anymore. You've created a buffer zone, where her negative influences can dissipate.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another way of protecting yourself; you draw a line saying, for instance, "This is what I can do for you, and this is what I can't." You don't have to convince the vampire of the rightness of your stance. Getting defensive simply adds to the negative charge of the encounter. You want to remain neutral. When someone starts pushing your buttons, and you start sizzling inside, you've got to make the decision not to react.

Step Back

I also suggest you step back and think about what type of people aggravate you, because I believe that one law of energy is that we attract what we haven't yet worked out in ourselves. If I'm a very angry person, I'll find myself surrounded by angry people. By paying attention to the people who seem so draining, you might discover something you need to address. It has been my experience that once you've worked through a particular issue, you're no longer worn out by that kind of energy vampire. And the vampires, robbed of a source, move on to more easily drainable audiences.

Sometimes...

2008-11-25T06:20:00.000-08:00

"It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been ? But what of the man who's faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealously and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better or something better finds its way to us."

“Because sometimes, you have to step outside the person you've been. And remember the person you were ment to be, the person you want to be, the person you are.”

Companionship

2008-11-21T12:29:00.000-08:00

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say its not quite as good as his mothers

..then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want

...then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

..then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

..then buy a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually

..then buy a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness . .

..then buy a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?

The 3 L's

2008-11-20T14:01:00.000-08:00

"Love it, leave it or lead it."

I love this concept. Going through life following this motto just makes sense to me. When faced with a problem, allow these threw options and only these three.

"Love it" means peacefully accept whatever's happening. If that's not possible, you may be able to "leave it", simply walk away from the whole dilemma. The third option, "lead it" requires that you recognize and use whatever power you have (even if you feel helpless). If you can't devise a solution on your own, you must "lead" your helpers by asking clear, purposeful questions and taking good advice when you get it.

If you Only...

2008-11-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

If you only had one night to live, who would you spend it with????

Had to Share....

2008-11-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

I had to share this - I find them funny and some are VERY true....

Lisa Kogan Tells All: How You (Yes, You!) Should Live Your Life
(for the full article see:
http://www.oprah.com/article/spirit/omag_200803_kogan/1

Everything I know about the world and how you (yes, you!) should live your life:

1. If you can't get a babysitter, for the love of God, stay home! I don't want to be sitting next to little Charlotte and Duncan as they fight over a Raisinet at the midnight screening of Atonement. You wanted kids, so suck it up, walk it off, subscribe to Netflix.

2. If your outgoing phone message is longer than, let's say, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian of the Year segment of the Oscars, it's time to rerecord.

3. Calling to let your friend know you're running late does not excuse your constantly running late.

4. I'd like to say a few words to every crabby traveler who responds with disgust whenever a baby cries on an airplane. Perhaps you don't know how babies work, but there's been a study, and it turns out that giving a 4-month-old the stink eye doesn't actually accomplish anything. Either have a little compassion or a little Ambien.

5. Here's something for any gentleman who may be reading this: If you look good in a Speedo, you will look even better in virtually any other kind of swimsuit.

6. I am a cynic. I am a pessimist. I came of age with the Watergate hearings playing on the tiny TV in our avocado green kitchen. But every four years I wrestle my apathy into submission, read up on the issues, and cast my ballot. You must vote. I don't care who you vote for (that's not really true—I think you should be penciling in my name), but you've gotta get in the game.

7. One word: Floss.

8. Any man who begins a conversation with, "I don't want to hurt your feelings…" is about to hurt your feelings. It's the kind of phrase that's never followed by, "…but I just don't think you're eating enough. Please have more lasagna while I get you a brownie." Other opening gambits that pretty much scream duck-and-cover include: "Don't take this the wrong way…," "You can feel free to say no…," and the always popular "Look…"

9. Enough with celeb gossip. The problems of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears should not be competing for the headline space in our brains. We have to be smarter than that, and if we're not, we have to pretend that we are.

10. Get so excellent at something (long division, friendship, Parcheesi, removing cranberry juice stains, decoupage—it doesn't matter what) that your genius will be impossible to ignore and your legendary expertise at removing cranberry juice stains while dividing six-digit numbers by 37 will either bring you glory beyond your wildest dreams or, at the very least, help you feel vaguely competent as you make your way through the world.

11. Allow me to demystify the entire real estate market for you: Gracious means ridiculously small. Quaint means a total wreck and ridiculously small. Spacious, airy, luxurious, and grand all mean ridiculously small.

12. I like a plastic bag and a bottle of water as much as the next self-involved me monkey, but it takes 430,000 gallons of oil to manufacture 100 million grocery bags, and if I were capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic I'd say—well, who are we kidding? I'm not capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic—just know that we're in great danger of making Al Gore really, really mad.

13. Words matter. It's time to stop prettifying the ugly stuff. Spousal abuse means wife beating. Global warming means the Earth is toast. Enhanced interrogation means torture. And here's a bit of trivia for you: The Bush administration did not coin the phrase enhanced interrogation. Nor did it come from Jack Bauer on 24. Nope, it was the Gestapo that originated that little bon mot back in 1937.

14. To quote Elmer Fudd, "Be bwave, widdoe wabbit." Take a chance, wear your heart on your sleeve, ask the most attractive man in the room to dance, say what you want, demand what you're entitled to. There's a pretty decent chance that you won't get it, but who will you be if you never even try? Note: Only attempt the dance invitation if there's actual music playing.

15. Sometimes I worry that we've all become workaholics—because getting through life can be really hard work. But (with apologies to the fine people who pay my salary every week here at the fabulous Hearst Corporation) we need to log off, go home, and remember what it is to have dinner, conversation, and sex…not necessarily in that order.

Learning to appreciate...

2008-11-07T12:25:00.001-08:00

My heart is hurting a little bit right now (in a good way :)

Where I work we have 12 Filipino workers that recently immigrated from the Philippines.
11 of them came over in April 2008. 3 of the 11 have finally received their permanent residence status and will be joined by their families next week. The joy on their faces when I talk to them is just the most wonderful thing.... Can you imagine being apart from your loved ones for 6 months?? Thinking about the other guys whose families are still in the Philippines and the fact that they don't know exactly how much longer they will be apart breaks my heart! I think that demonstrates ultimate love, they are willing to go to an unknown country alone - in search for a better life for their families.

Also with Remembrance Day around the corner I have been thinking alot about the wars going on in the middle east. I am VERY happy that Obama was elected as President. I hope that he will help the US....it will be a long lonely road I'm sure, as he has his work cut out for him. I was listening to Howard Stern this morning and he was talking about if he was Obama that he would be phoning Bill Clinton and asking his advice. I kinda agree. Clinton may not have excelled at exercising self restraint ;) - but I believe he was a good President. Make sure to take a moment to remember all of the fallen soldiers and what they were fighting for.... Freedom is an amazing thing... and I am truly happy to be Canadian and lucky to live the way I do! How often do we take that for granted!!!!

Please watch this video....

Great song...

2008-11-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

I love this song and wanted to share the lyrics...

Thriving Ivory - Angels on the Moon

Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying

Why Can't I Live my Life for me...

2008-10-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone wears masks.

Not just today, but every day.

We hide our true feelings. We tamp down our preferences. We sequester our opinions. We shunt aside who we really are.

We do it to be accepted. We do it to be admired. We do it to be rewarded. We do it to fit in.

We do it to be loved.

I realized I loved my husband (long before I married him) when I realized I wasn't pretending to be someone I wasn't and he loved me anyway.

I realized that I, as a person, as an individual, as someone different and unique and quirky, was worthy of affection and caring.

I need to be the lead role in my life. I want to take off the mask. I want to show who I really am. Revealing my thoughts and speaking my mind. There are only a few situations or people that I do that with now, I want that in ever facet of my life.

I need to Perform a striptease of my soul.

I think everybody is just like me. Maybe not exactly. Not precisely. But most of us have the same values, the same dreams (but with different specifics, of course), the same fears. We want health. We want security. We want companionship (and also want independence and sometimes some solitude). We want love. We want freedom. We want to be who and what we are.

Happy Halloween - even though I'm not participating this year!

Letting Go...

2008-10-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

Letting go is one of the things I need to work on the most in my life. I have a tough time letting go and have some control issues.

The Prayer for Serenity should be my guide.

God, grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardships as a pathway to peace
taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it,
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever
in the next.
Amen

Now I'm not a really religious person but I do believe in a higher power, something greater than us....

I came across this article and had to share it...

An Affirmation for Letting Go
Larry James

I am willing to trust. I know that to the degree I am willing to give up my search for a healthy love relationship, I can have it. I know I can have whatever I am ready and willing to receive. Individual receptivity is everything. Without it, nothing changes. With it, all things are possible. I no longer insist upon my choice.

I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me!

I let go of the past, and I am free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.

Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting go does not mean giving up.

LoveNote. . . A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth -- with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts

Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over and over again -- each time I can glimpse something higher than my own painful certainty over who I think I am. There is always something higher; a life beyond the limits of my present sight.

To see what is farther I must be willing to lift my eyes from their present point of focus. Release always follows revelation and real revelation is always a glimpse of something that was only just out of sight.

I know that stress in my love relationship exists because I insist! What I resist, persists. I am tied to whatever I avoid.

LoveNote. . . The heart loves, but moods have no loyalty. Moods should be heard but never danced to. - Hugh Prather

It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps me in a strained and unhappy relationship with it. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine.

I do not need power to flow.

I let go of that part of myself that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. I give birth to a new me that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything.

I dare to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary but unsatisfactory sense of self. My true identity is calling me and to hear it I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty.

This form of seeming self-abandonment eventually turns into my greatest pleasure as it becomes increasingly evident that the only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise me. When it comes to who I really am, there is no compromise.

Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to no one or any thing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you have to say about that, so, let go.

A Course in Miracles says, "You cannot really not let go what has already gone. It must be, therefore, that you are maintaining the illusion that it has not gone because you think it serves some purpose that you want fulfilled."

It is certifiable insanity to conjure up your own reality based on the past and relate to it, rather than to relate to the present which is the only reality.

LoveNote. . . Relationships are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which he brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. - Marianne Williamson

I say goodbye to the past and hello to the present.

I am enthusiastic about who I am becoming! I know that no one sincerely asks for a new life until they are thoroughly dissatisfied with the old one. I am and I let go. When I allow myself to let go of what is old, I stay true to what is new.

I believe that as with all insight, higher understanding itself contains not only the instructions I must follow, but the strength I will need to carry them out.

Starting life over again is the key to a new me. I see the beauty and significance of starting over - over and over and over. Every present moment is always new and new is always right now! The new dies to the ever-new in an endless celebration of Life.

This is it!

I live in the present. I never let the past dictate the direction of the present moment. I give my best to my endeavors.

What lies ahead for me can only be good.

True peace and harmony are a part of who I am.

I have come to the realization that what is possible for me to become only truly changes when I am willing to see what is impossible for me to continue being.

My true nature is already fully independent and flying freely. I have found my wings.

I let go and let God. And so it is.

LoveNote. . . He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is Love. - I John 4:8

A Poem...

2008-10-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

Broken Glass
Darkness surrounds me
Wishing to be anywhere but here
Wanting to be anyone but myself

The reflection within scares me
Rocks me, Shakes me to the core.
I want to forget, I want to stop
But it finds me again

Never letting go
Rough and Raging
Terrified but comfortable, we sit and talk
Old Friends

I know that I am more powerful
That I could end this
But I let it take control
Because what I see in the mirror frightens me more

The Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure

2008-10-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

I had to share this article by Oprah ....

Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

Life isn't about how to survive the storm ; but learning to dance in the rain...

2008-10-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

Life from time to time seems to bring storms our way. These storms might be anything from financial problems, marital problems or a testing of our faith. These storms sometime are mild reminders that life can change just as easy as a breeze can turn into a full gale. Sometimes these storms pull up by the roots beliefs or ideas about life and faith that one may have.

At any rate, each storm bring on trials. Testing where you must trust that whatever has happened: has happened for a purpose. When the storm comes, we immediately want to retreat from it. We hide ourselves looking for a safe place until the storm has passed. This is human instinct.

But what if? What if we decided to embrace the storm and learn the rhythm of the rolling thunder, wind and lighting? What if we lift our hands toward the clouds and begin to praise our common Creator? Begin to seek out a higher power as our dance partner and place ourselves into that embrace, abandoning our fears and trusting that it will guide us through the storm .

If we were to practice this dance over and over, would we then run toward the sound of the thunder and begin to look forward to the dance that would bring us closer to something bigger than us??

I for one have not yet learned how to abandon all fears when the storms come; but I am learning. I may not begin to dance at the beginning of the storm; but at some point, I trust in the process and something bigger than all of us. When I do the rain is more gentle and tastes sweeter and I wonder why did I struggle.

Instead of struggling and asking why is life so hard...embrace life and all of the things that come and accept that we are a part of it all...

Internal Struggle...

2008-10-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

In self-examination I often wonder what it all means. Sometimes I find myself at wits end just trying to figure out why I do or think the things I do, feel the things I feel or think I feel...when there may be no rhyme or reason at the time.

Sometimes chosen paths collide at points were we begin to learn, maybe it's because it's something we needed to learn and figuring out the reason we did it or how we handled it, may in fact be the real challenge. Happiness is a test we put ourselves through, for some point unknown to us, attitude we make ourselves. I now know that I can't find what I need in others before I was able to find it in myself, no one can give me, me...they can shape me and compel or even perhaps complete me but I can't make this happen, as we all are the same confused children.

The wants and needs of many outweigh the needs of the few, a poem I wrote long ago when I thought I knew what it meant. This too has changed its shape to me because I now see the self importance of people and how it changes their perspective towards others. We are all the same and there are no borders between us, all emotionally challenged, crippled if you will we struggle to see the next days sun and try to find the answers with questions.

The other day I struck out in a new path, not really new but while going down the path I found some new answers to some old questions. Is it because I’m getting older that the answers change or is it perspective from age…or is it anything at all but my mind slowly slipping. I felt foolish I felt stupid I felt I had led myself astray from the beliefs I cling too but because I am a woman because I am an animal I am my worst judge and sometimes I should learn to separate consciousness from my reality.

Reassurance of our being of our value of us is in that meaning somewhere, and sometimes I believe we lose that in ourselves if it’s not reinforced by someone, somehow or another but I surely don’t think it’s something we can do alone. Life is truly a battle that we wage each and every min of every day unbenounced to us for no reason at all, a worry. Stress worry and belief, things we carry around our necks like so much of a burden that we may not deserve but cannot cast off. The delicate balance of knowledge and compassion we find for others but never for ourselves we reach out for others to share our pain and to understand us, in fact we scream for it.

Trapped inside ourselves unable to express our needs...is this because we don’t even know what our needs may be? What makes it alright or makes us want to know is a deep question we each must ask ourselves. Why others can see the same things we see but be unable to share with us the common experience is a mystery and I believe it may be due to self-importance. It’s a thing that separates us and causes most of our grief and pain, it’s the reason for war and hate its what divides us and stops us from growing or learning what we must share. Children do not have this and can interact in a manner that surpasses our intellect in many ways. They don’t have the ability to judge or self examine and to their glory it enables truth and goodness something we lose along the way.

The Name Campaign...

2008-10-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share something which my sister inspired me to do...

It's an amazing initiative that I recently decided to support and purchased a name tag.

My sister Tamara's words:
"I love this campaign from a marketing angle, because it's a brilliant way to spread the word about a genocide that otherwise goes unnoticed in North America, and also because it goes to show how much the human spirit can contribute with something as small as a dog tag.

Currently, in the last five years in a Northern part of Uganda, there have been over twenty thousand children kidnapped from their homes and forced into a life of violence

My child's name is Zaddox. He was 15 when he was kidnapped, from Northern Uganda. For $12, you can have a child's story to tell. Share the awareness -- www.thenamecampaign.org "

So what are you waiting for???? Even if you don't support this initiate do something today for the greater good. It's amazing what even a small smile to a complete stranger can mean....

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

2008-10-23T07:28:00.000-07:00

How do you change??

Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is too great. The moment we can't "take it anymore" is the moment we start giving and transforming. I'm there right now and ready to make some major changes....and it's all with the goal of improving myself and becoming the best person I can be.

One more unrelated comment this morning...Britney Spears is back, her new song I must admit is really good! I am personally a huge Britney fan from way back and hope that she is getting her life back on track...

Words to live by...

2008-10-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3 Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Realizations...

2008-10-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Well I have come to many realizations in the past few days. The biggest one...I have the greatest family and support system in the world. I've been struggling with some things and wasn't ready to share or open up to anyone.....and then I talked with my sister and they all just came spilling out and the support and love I get from her - well it's overwhelming and makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

It's weird how sometimes when you feel down and out, you don't want to reach out to the people you know love you and will help you.

I have finally admitted a few things to myself that I have been hiding from for quite some time, and it feels wonderful and liberating to rid myself of that....now I'm ready to move on and forward - even if it is only baby steps!

Here is some more realizations from this week:
1. I make a lot of messes, all the time, every day.
2. In and of myself, i am super selfish and self-centered.
3. Everything in this life is temporary.
4. Compared to a lot of people, my life is absolutely amazing and i should have nothing to complain about, yet i am not nearly thankful enough.
5. I'm not in control of my life, and when i try to be, it's not a good situation.

Well I think that If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. :)

I often wonder why...

2008-10-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

I have done a lot of soul searching lately.....and because I have been sick and in bed for a couple days I have had a bunch of time to scower the Internet looking for inspiration....I found this quote and it just makes sense...

“ Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution. ”

So the next time you wonder "why" don't.....just accept there IS a reason and that it's meant to be...

Lazy Saturday

2008-10-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well I was up early this morning, feeling a bit better and did some much needed cleaning...now I'm just gaming away (The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion) and enjoying a much needed restful Saturday. Still have a bit of a fever but it seems to be going away -yeah for me cause that means Red Wine for tonight :)

Here is my thought for today...

"Dream as if you'll live forever...
live as if you'll die today."

James Dean

Oh Happy Friday

2008-10-15T09:28:00.001-07:00

I deleted my last post - I don't like the place I was in when I wrote it and would rather forget why I wrote it....so I'm just going to put the one thought that I did like:

The one beautiful thing about life.....is that no matter where you are in life - YOU have the power to change it and make yourself the person you want to be....

Was just reading my wonderful sister's blog and she brought up the question:
What are we doing here?
I find this so inspiring and overwhelming when I ask myself "What am I doing here?"
For me it's all about love, to love and to be loved. If I could do only one thing in this life - that would be my mission.

I would love to write more and think more on this topic, but my head hurts as I am fighting a violent flu..I'm very glad that it's Friday and that I will have the weekend to rest. I am also excited because my X-Box 360 is set up in my room, and I will be in Oblivion all weekend! :)

Monday on a Tuesday......

2008-10-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

I couldn't decide what I wanted to write about today....I have so many thoughts floating through my head - but I think I'm getting the flu and none of them make sense....so I will start with a quote:

"As you give love out, it's received and reciprocated--and it grows. That's the beauty of it. Love is an energy. You can feed it to people, and they in turn feed it to others, and eventually it comes back."
—Hill Harper

If this quote is true how come there are so many Loveless people/relationships out there??? I think just looking at the divorce rate can be proof of that. Or does life just get too tough and people don't know how to cope so they turn away?? I think people need to try harder and love harder in order to make a change to our world.....someone recently told me that life is beautiful and that people are generally good. I'm struggling to accept and believe that in today's world. Isn't that sad????

But if I think of life's miracles my faith is restored.....

For me that one miracle that seems to make everything ok - is babies. Actually kids in generally really. There is something about a helpless and innocent child that just puts the world back into balance. Maybe that means I should have one??? Not anytime soon thank you!!!! As wonderful and lovely as kids are - I love being able to give them back to their mom/dad once they start crying :) Guess that maternal instinct just hasn't kicked in quite yet....It's surprising how many people ask the question "when are you having kids???" after you get married. Does it make me abnormal to not want kids????

Here are some thing that I believe/have learned...let's call them My life lessons:
-I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
-I've learned that no matter how much I care some people just don't care back.
-I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
-I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
-I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
-I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
-I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
-I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
-I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
-I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
-I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
-I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
-I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
-I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
-I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
-I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt in the process.
-I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
-I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.

All You Need is Love...

2008-10-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

One of my absolutely favorite songs - All you Need is Love by the Beatles.

I love the movie Across the Universe ..... like all musicals it was at times over the top but overall a great movie.....I love Jim Sturgess who is in the movie -he has an amazing voice.

I wanted to post the lyrics to the song...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that can't be known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
No where you can be, that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Now although I know that is NOT true reality - love can be all you need can't it???
I could take the debate from both sides - but loves means different things to different people.

My new fav song of the moment - The Show by Lenka.....its a great tune. It's about love as well....why do so many artists write about love? Most relatible emotion? Everyone has experienced it?

Have a great Thanksgiving weekend!

When things go wrong don't go with them. ~Elvis Presley

2008-10-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

Lifting yourself up and continuing forward...

Does it ever feel like trouble follows you around and won't cut you any slack? Sometimes it feels like you can't buy a break and everything you try just makes things worse. Who could blame you for feeling sorry for yourself or not forgive a little self-destructive behavior? Bad idea. The new, healthy way to spend down times is to lift yourself up and operate at a higher level. Remember that what happens to you is not who you are. It's history. It's past. Your true self takes that history and decides how to make the best possible future out of it. You have the power to keep your attitude and values from driving into the ditch along with the events in your life. From defeat, you can still emerge victorious.

I've had a couple bad days in a row.....but I'm still smiling and trying to keep on keepin on.....Lift myself up and keep moving forward!

Becoming the person you want to be....

2008-10-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- EE Cummings, poet.

Becoming the person you want to be.....

Take a look at your priorities and your goals. Where did they come from? Are they the products of soul-searching, self-analysis, and careful planning? Or are they a reaction to pressures from other people? Did you find them within yourself or within the pages of a magazine? The answers to these questions are important because they tell you if the person you're becoming is someone you want to be.

Here's another way to look at a goal: do you want it, or do you just think you should want it? It's not easy to follow your own direction in life. But it's more possible than you may think. Question everything. Every priority in your life needs to justify why it's there. If you can't come up with a good reason that actually comes from YOU, maybe it doesn't belong.

I struggle with becoming the person I want to be....some days I feel like I get it and my life is on track, the next I feel like a little girl lost in a big world. My comfort comes from a loving family who helps me along the way. My mom, sister and I have a bond that is amazing, inspiring and very special. Our bond isn't unusual but I don't think there are many people that are as lucky as we are to have such a special relationship.

I know this is all in part to the fact that our mother raised us the way she did and that her mother raised her the way she did. Today is my Grandma's birthday - which makes me think of her and smile but have a heavy heart because she passed away over 4 years ago. Her beautiful soul touched any one she met and some of my fondest memories are cooking with her as a child.

I know she is looking down on me and my family now......and thinking
OH BUT..... ;)

I care to much....

2008-10-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Lately I am realzing that I care too much about things that really don't matter in the journey we call life....

I care what everyone else thinks of me, and I tend to stress out due to it....I found this interesting quote:

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden

It's all a matter of perception really....but what if deep down you can't define your character?
This is the trap I get into because I tend to be easily influenced by others.

If I had to choose 5 words to describe my character they would be:
Caring, Passionate, Impulsive, Motivated, Independant

I'm not sure if the people close to me would agree, and often times I feel like a walking contradiction because it's ever changing.

Think about yourself today... what words define you???

Great Indeed is our need to Love.....

2008-10-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote today - can't remember where and it got me thinking.

What is Love anyways???

Definition from Wikipedia:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

I think most people have been in love - one form or another....my real question is: Is it better to love someone.......or receive love?

And what about those people who are in love with love?? I fall in that category....I am a highly emotional person and am happiest giving, receiving and hearing about love. Just call me a love junkie. I believe one of the most beautiful forms of love is the unconditional love that occurs between mother and child (ok father and child tooo)...and recently I have discovered being a dog owner - the love of a dog for their owner. There is something so sweet, innocent and special about a dogs love for their owner.

Ok - enough about the L-word.... here is a thought from my daily Kabbalah newsletter...

Survival instinct is the most powerful force on Earth, without question. And it's the ego that holds the trophy for the strongest survival instinct of all. The ego doesn't want to die.

Ego wants to keep us all disconnected from peace, love and Light. It wants to keep each of us full of pain, fear and emotional turmoil. It would prefer we be the lamp in the corner covered with drapes of cloth, without even the tiniest bit of Light shining through. That's what it has always wanted - and it is willing to blind us with doubt in an attempt to desperately delay our progress and transformation.

Today, just say no to ego (ie. SAY NO TO YOUR DOUBTS!)

My daily wisdom - Live, Laugh, Love...

Thinking about the New Year?!?!?!

2008-10-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ok it's approximately 3 months away but the thought of Christmas entered my mind this morning and then the thought of 2009 and all that it will have to offer.

I thought about New years Resolutions and all that I want from 2009.....and my new thinking is why not start now. You don't need to wait for a date to start making changes...new years should be all year long!

Sooo - The New Year is on!

All those wishes and changes and vessel-building — now it's time to start putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

Oh boy. We've all make a lot of promises to ourselves before. How do you keep them all?

Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps. That's the name of the game. Slow and gradual.

Today, I'm not going to overwhelm myself with thoughts of how I'm gonna get up that mountain. I'll just start walking. One baby step at a time...

Today is exciting for me - because it's my last day of work this week. I have Friday off which will likely be spent doing some stuff around the house with Kevin (we are finishing our fence, doing some changes/updates before thinking about selling the house). We will also be leaving for Saskatoon which I am WAY excited for. Friday I get to spend chilling with my brothers and my favorite nephew Ryder (ok, my ONLY nephew but you know what I mean :)

Saturday we have a wedding to go to - I have never met the bride or groom but all of Kevin's family will be there and I'm super pumped for that. We always have a good time and I'm sure there will be plenty of laughs and drinking!

That's it for now...here's hoping I can get through the day without "daydreaming" too much :)

Passed along from my best friend...

2008-09-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

Here is an article that my sister passed along. As she put it "it is so magical it moved me to tears by the end." I feel the same way....

September, 2008
A Newsletter from Oriah

As many of you know, my sabbatical ends this month. Some of you have been checking in to see what's next. It's been a challenging and rewarding three years. Like most things in life it didn't go as I'd expected. I wasn't surprised to find that inner stillness and silence were intermittent and inconsistent, at times profound and at other times elusive. It was never, as I'd thought it might be, boring. I was disappointed that my health didn't flourish as I'd hoped it would with lots of rest. A relapse of Chronic Fatigue (CFIDS/ME) in the past year has been discouraging although for the first time guilt free since I knew it had not been triggered by my usual over-doing. As my energy levels stabilize a little more each day I am cautiously optimistic about recovery.

The good news is that despite my ever-eager personality and past patterns of drivenness I managed to slow down. I settled into a daily rhythm of slow mornings journaling and reading, and afternoons of cooking large pots of vegetable soup and watching the cardinals at the bird feeder. I loved the daily solitude (Jeff being gone most days from 8 am to 6:30 pm) and often just sat and watched my breath and the world around me for long periods of time. I don't want to paint too idyllic a picture. There have been the usual ups and downs of life, some of them- like my father being diagnosed with Alzheimer's- heartbreaking. But being with whatever comes our way is easier when we aren't hitting the ground running every morning, and the sabbatical's slowness has been a great teacher in being present.

About half way through the sabbatical I spoke with my agent about two new book ideas: a novel about a group of lucid dreamers (the adventures of Isabel mentioned in a previous newsletter) and a non-fiction book about faith based on some of my experiences over the last three years. He was enthused (as you'd want your agent to be) and started to talk about publishing possibilities. But I was still in sabbatical mode, so I said, "Joe, I have to wait for God to say 'Go!'" Joe, being Catholic is not offended by the first "G" word, and being an agent, loves the second. I did do some writing, mostly on the novel, but last January I put it aside. I felt that some kind of internal shift needed to happen before I wrote more. I waited for God- the Beloved, the Mystery, the Great Mother- to say "Go!"

In my defense, I have felt Spirit say "Go!" in the past- as in, "Go, leave your job and teach workshops on spirituality!" or "Go back to university and write this book!" It didn't seem to be too much to expect that I would once again feel guided with some kind of hopefully detailed game plan for the next phase of my life.

But that's not what happened. What happened has been and continues to be a slow and gentle unfolding of self knowledge, awareness and acceptance. It's been like a light on a dimmer switch being turned on very slowly, revealing things in the room that have always been there. I discovered that I am an introvert, an extreme introvert, with a highly developed extrovert function. I can do public speaking and teaching, and I certainly value and even enjoy some aspects of these activities, but they cost me, they take energy.

I discovered that when all else falls away what remains is my writing. I am a lover of stories, of words and the imaginative worlds they evoke. My heart races a little when I begin to read a new book or when I start to write on the first page of a fresh journal. When fear or confusion arise, moving my pen across the page reveals the meaning and the mystery in the life I am living. Writing is my way of praying, of paying attention, of making love to the world, of opening myself to wisdom that is larger than myself. And, being a solitary task, writing suits my introversion well. It does not cost me. It gives me energy. I need to shape my life around my writing. So, as the date for the end of the sabbatical approached, I got ready to launch myself back into writing. I contacted my agent and told him my plans. I set my alarm clock and got geared up to fling myself into eight hours a day of writing as I had done for my earlier books. I had not heard God say "Go!" but the insights about myself seemed sound, the sabbatical was finished, and I felt I could go with what I had- a clear commitment to continue to write.

And twenty-four hours into my new work schedule, I collapsed. It was like those old cartoons where Wylie Coyote goes barreling straight into the side of the mountain where the Roadrunner has painted a picture of a tunnel on solid rock. Whap! Just like Wylie I hit what felt like a stone wall and slid down in a daze with those little stars and birds flying around my head, although in my case it was a four day migraine and fibromyalgia pain. Lying in bed I prayed, and I listened.

And I did not hear the Presence that is always with me say "Go!" I heard, "Move slowly and soften."

And that's what I keep hearing, whenever I pay attention. I have started to read through the work I'd done on the novel. I am also reading the forty journals I filled over the last three years, finding the ends of threads for the nonfiction book. And each time I pause, I hear it again. "Move slowly and soften." So there will be no eight hour days at the keyboard. I am living- moving, reading, writing, cooking, eating- slowly. And I am softening: to the part of me that wants to run and cannot; to the body that is slowly regaining strength and energy; to impatience, frustration and fear when each arises. I will write these books, and it will take whatever time it takes. I will not be traveling while I write, but I cannot say I will never teach a workshop or do a speaking engagement again. I will move slowly and soften to all the possibilities as they arise, following the ones that fit who I am and serve the writing, and letting go of the rest.

I have to smile at my resistance to writing this newsletter I wanted to arrive at the end of the sabbatical with some Big News, some kind of Grand Announcement of the vision I had had that would guide the rest of my life. Well the vision I have had is of continuing to be here writing, remembering (and no doubt forgetting and then hopefully remembering again) to move slowly and soften to myself and the world.

But now that my fingers are moving on the keyboard I find myself asking, what else did I learn in the last three years? And, in this moment, this is what comes:

* That life does not travel in straight lines, does not produce what we think of as clarity according to our preferred time schedule. Life is meandering and messy, full of surprises, confusion and unexpected moments of struggle and beauty.

* That life is short and sweet and hard- too short to wait one more moment to move toward the beauty you love even if it is not what you were taught had "real value" in the world; too sweet to miss the moment that is here by striving to get elsewhere materially or spiritually; too hard too sit in judgment on ourselves or anyone else.

* That absolute certainty about life, ourselves, the world or others may temporarily alleviate some of our immediate anxieties but leaves little room for the mystery and makes it difficult if not impossible to cultivate faith. I think of faith as that indescribable experience of the sacred that buoys us up and lets us greet what comes each day- the uncertainty of life- with open hearts.

* That often we have to be willing to act even without certainty, to let our hearts guide us, to be willing to make mistakes, to do the best we can, and let the rest go.

* That anxiety is a part of every human life, no matter the circumstances or the perspective. That our hopes and ideals of creating an anxiety-free life cause us to judge ourselves and others and to pull away from life as it is, diminishing the small daily pleasures and putting us on an endless and exhausting treadmill of inner and outer self-improvement. That consciously choosing to be with some anxieties as they arise can sometimes prevent the cultivation of others I know to be life-destroying. So, I willingly embrace the twinge of guilt that arises when I disappoint another rather than cultivate the resentment that can grow from trying to live a life according to someone else's ideas of what is good or right for me. I willingly sit with the small anxiety that arises about future finances instead of moving too quickly to agree to work that I know in my body will most likely create illness at this time.

* That my father was wise, when he told me as I was growing up, "Everyone does the best they can with what they have to work with." How I have struggled with this notion, seeing within and around me actions and attitudes I felt could and should be better. And let's fact it: some days our best is not so good, some days we cause a great deal suffering for ourselves and others. But, when I choose the perspective my father advocated it is easier for me to keep my heart open to all of our human frailties. We are all, in this moment, doing the best we can. What is available to any one of us in the next moment- the quantity and quality of information, energy, courage, awareness, trust, and faith we can access- will change, and so too will our best. But in this moment you and I- everyone, is doing the best they can. There is nothing to be gained by thinking otherwise and everything to be gained by approaching the world and our lives from this perspective.

May you be well and happy, Oriah

P.S. My apologies if you receive this more than once. Blame it on my computer incompetence and not on any desire to annoy you. O

Monday Monday

2008-09-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

WAY to deep for a Monday morning!!! Came across it and thought it was a great quote.

Music these days mystifies me.....I use to be a strictly Top 40 lover but my music tastes have matured and to be quite honest I like pretty much everything. I can thank my dad for that - as he often says, "this is my favorite song" to pretty much every song.

What am I listening to on my i-pod????

-Whatever you Like - T.I.
-American Boy - Estelle (Feat. Kayne West)
-When I grow up - PCD
-Let it Rock - Kevin Rudolf f. Lil' Wayne
-Disturbia - Rihanna
-All Fall down - One Republic
-Shattered - O.A.R.
-Just Dance - Lady Gaga
-Stupid - Girlicous
-Rainy Monday - Shiny Toy Guns
-Best I ever Had - State of Shock
-Shut up and Let me Go - The TingTings
-A.N.G.E.L - Natasha Bedingfield

Quit Complaining!!!

2008-09-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

A Complaint Free World
(Article from Oprah.com)

Your health, career and relationships may cause you stress, but complaining about them won't improve your situation, says the Rev. Will Bowen, an expert on complaining. Dr. Oz talks with the Rev. Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted, about how he got his Kansas City, Missouri, congregation to stop complaining—a mission that is now part of an international movement.

In July 2006, the Rev. Bowen asked his congregation to take part in a 21-day complaint-free challenge. He passed out purple bracelets and asked that every time they complained or pointed out someone else complaining, to switch the bracelet to their other wrist and start the 21-day challenge all over again. The Rev. Bowen says it was a difficult change for almost everyone. "I thought I was the most positive, upbeat person in world, and I broke three bracelets before I made it the 21 consecutive days," the Rev. Bowen says.

Now, more than two years later, the Rev. Bowen says he can't remember the last time he complained—and many of the 5.7 million other people who heard about the challenge and have gotten a bracelet are also living complaint-free. "The feedback people give is, by doing this, they literally become happier people," he says.

The Rev. Bowen shares his advice to help you become complaint-free:

* State facts instead of complaining. "It is all the difference between stating a fact and having this emotional energy tied up in it," he says. "This is all about moving beyond being a victim and being in control of your own life."

* Find the positive in all situations. "Yesterday, when [the airline] discovered a maintenance issue on the plane [I was on], people were complaining, and I said, 'I'm glad they found it on the ground as a opposed [to] in the air!'" the Rev. Bowen says.

* Change the words you use. Instead of using the word "problem," call something an "opportunity" or "challenge," he says. When you find yourself saying, "I have to," say "I get to" instead.

* Go ahead and gossip. "I say that it is okay to gossip," the Rev. Bowen says. "I really believe it is perfectly fine to gossip—if what you would say you would say if the person were present with the same inflection and same words."

Move closer and closer apart....

2008-09-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

I understand this quote better than most people should. During the busy times Kevin and I are lucky to see each other for 5 minutes a day - yes we normally talk on the phone and know what's going on with each other but we don't get to spend much or any time together.

In the words of A.D. Hope the Australian poet, 'move closer and closer apart.' I think in a general sense that is what marriage is about. The apartness is a part of the closeness, perhaps a recognition of it: certainly a pledge of complete understanding.

I don't want to live this way forever....but for now the $ is good and we accept the way things are and make due. Instead of hanging out all night and spending lot's of time together we take comfort in the 5 minutes of cuddling at 6am in the morning when Kevin is just getting home from work and I'm just getting up. Is it hard - yes. Will it be worth it - yes.

Here's my thought for the day...

Blame no one. Expect nothing. Do something.

I think too many people play the blame game. That is my biggest pet peeve - people who don't take accountability. Life is as simple as taking accountablity and accepting what is in front of you and doing something about it. It doesn't matter "whose fault it is". The people I admire the most are the ones who dive right in to any situation regardless of whether they are the ones that created it.

YAY for Friday! I love Fridays cause it's the start of the weekend. I have no plans except for trying out my new vacuum cleaner (I know I'm lame!), which is specially designed for pet hair - thank god for that cause my dog Dutchess loves to shed :) I have tons of cleaning to do, and some yard work and fixing up around the house as we are gearing to put our house up for sale.

Return from the negative....

2008-09-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

Wow - just read my post from last night - I was in a BAD MOOD last night. Today I'm trying to transform that negative energy into postive energy.

We want life to be easy - no battles, no demons, no doubts.

We're in the wrong life if that's what we want. Hope I didn't burst your bubble. But as you probably figured out by now, the work never stops.

Life is about constant change and growth—ups and downs, pushing and pulling. And ultimately, transformations! Remember this thought: CHAOS CAN ALWAYS BE TURNED INTO BLESSINGS.

Besides, life is boring without the challenges. You've seen those emergency room scenes in the movies, or perhaps first hand. The doctors furiously working to save a guy's life and then, that dreaded sound: beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Flat line. Game over. Death, the final frontier.

With that in mind, appreciate your obstacles today. Learn to see them for what they are: opportunities to elevate your mind, body and soul.

Who can You trust????

2008-09-24T20:01:00.001-07:00

I had a bad day today - a really bad day....and for some reason I feel the need to talk about trust. Who can you truly trust?????? My answer - no one. I am at fault for trusting too much and trusting too deeply. I'm done.

Expecting too much of others will only limit and disappoint you. Instead expect more of yourself. I know that sounds pretty pessimistic but it's the truth...

Christmas in Mexico????

2008-09-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

I spent a night at home with my husband last night - for the first in what feels like months. He suggested that we take a trip at Christmas to somewhere warm instead of doing the "traditional" thing. My first thought was NO WAY...this year we are supposed to be going to my parents place for Christmas (we go back and forth between our families each year) and I was really looking forward to it....but then I started thinking...what if???
-Christmas in a bikini soaking up the beautiful warm sun sipping a girlie drink on the beach instead of trudging through the cold snow. That thought in itself has me yearning for Christmas in Mexico. Not sure if it will end up happening, but the thought is nice nonetheless. Our honeymoon was in Winnipeg so I'm pretty sure we deserve to go somewhere nice and around Christmas is about the only time that it would really work for Kevin and his job. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Deep thought for the day: “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Confucius

I relate to this quote.....because I think life truely is simple but I make it damn complicated. I analyze and fret way to much about stuff that I have no control over.......so I am just going to try to "go with the flow" from now on...

Just Do it....

2008-09-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

~He Who Jumps Into The Void, Owes No Explanation To Those Who Stand And Watch ~Jean Luc Godard

I'm feeling extremely inspired today. Not 100% sure why, but life lessons as of late have been just that....inspiring and motivating. I went for a run last night and I'm proud to say I can run about 5-7kms which may not seem that great.....but I have little to no pain in my knees during and after the run. Which to me is a MIRACLE. After my surgeries I literally thought I would never NOT know pain. This is very promising as I am gearing up for a triathlon in Clear Lake in August. I'm going to do the Sprint distance (750m Swim / 20k Bike / 5k Run) with my main goal to do an Ironman Triathlon in my lifetime! They haven't set the official date in August but I have 11 months to prepare and will likely start heavy training 6 months out....for me I don't want my fitness to be about losing weight or looking good (although it often is :) I want it to also be about being in great physical shape. Doing the triathlon and training for it will definitely help me to get there!

Another thought of the day.....why do we always hurt the ones we love the most. Is it because we know that it won't have the repercussions it would with someone you don't know as well ?? As much as this bugs me - it's life and will never change. I try to be conscious of this fact but I am still very guilty for doing it. I guess when you know the right buttons to push you do so willingly for whatever the motivation. I often think that many people are hurting and they want someone else to hurt like they are....I could write forever on this topic but should move along for fear of realizing how much I probably do this myself.

Where do the years go?? It seems that each year goes by faster then the previous...I am reminded of this as it is my baby sister's 23rd Birthday. Happy Birthday Tammy. It makes me both happy and sad that it's her birthday. Sad that we can't go back to the days gone past. I've spent many many hours with my sis - having moved so much she was one of the only constants in my life. I sure do miss the days of living in the same house as her.

Happy because she has grown into such a beautiful caring soul. Her strength and heart amaze me daily and I have learned so much from her (although I probably won't admit it outright :) It's her champagne birthday (turning 23 on the 23rd) and she will be celebrating in the states....oh how I wish I didn't have to work!

That's it for now....off to the gym to make myself sore....oh how I love the day after the day after ;)

The Start of a New Season

2008-09-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

I love fall.

I love the colour of the changing leaves and I love the weather as it turns a bit cooler...for me that means wrapping myself in comfy sweaters!

Fall symbolizes a new season and change ahead. It happens every year around this time. People are getting ready for the long winter ahead. Everyone's internal clocks begin to reset to more darkness and more time indoors. This is the part I dislike about fall/winter. Thankfully I have tons of workout equipment at home and a membership to a great gym.

This weekend was a quiet peaceful one. I spent most of it alone (as per usual lately) or I should say alone but with my faithful sidekick Dutchess. We took a trip out to Cypress Hills West block and had a great time hiking the High-Vista & TCT trail. We only went probably 7kms but 2.5 of that was straight up....the going up was ok but the going down....well let's just say my quads were killing me.

Here are some photos from our adventure...

I also LOVE Mondays. WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY ?? It's true. Monday is back to work and back to a routine....for me that means making sure that I get to the gym and eating healthy. It also means not being so freakin lonely cause I'm at work for most of the day. Kevin has been working like crazy and although I love that he is raking in the $ it's extremely tough sometimes....we are like ships passing in the wind right now. I often wonder - how long is it going to be like this?????

World's Smartest Dog...

2008-09-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

This post is for anyone whose life has been touched by the bond of a dog......I never understood this bond until I met my dog Dutchess. She is no where near as smart as the dog in this video but she amazes me daily by how smart she is and by her beautiful spirit. The first picture is from when I adopted her from the SPCA and the second picture is 6 or 7 months later... BIG difference!

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man."- Mark Twain

Check out the amazing Skidboot:
http://videos.komando.com/2008/08/02/world%e2%80%99s-smartest-dog/

Everything Happens for a reason...

2008-09-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I know the saying is such a cliche but I believe it with 100% of my being. Living it is another story. I often find myself caught up on the little things and analzying everything that happens to me over and over.

I've come to the point though that I believe that sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment that you are with them, they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength,will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason! Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from.... In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to the little things. MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people who you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, even if it doesn't seem right because you are too young or too far, just follow your heart. Surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy. Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life then LET GO and LIVE IT!

Favorite quotes

2008-09-18T15:07:00.002-07:00

Here is some of my fav quotes......

~You can kid the world, but not your sister~

~Wherever you go, go there with all your heart.~Confucius

Every calling is great, when greatly pursued. ~Oliver Wendall Holmes, Jr.

Understanding each other is vital to our lives. Having compassion for others. Kindness. Non-judgment. Leave the materials behind suckas, and enjoy a really meaningful life!"

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."~Henry David Thoreau

~If there is no struggle, there is no progress...Frederick Douglass~

~Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles.... it empties today of its strength~~To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and to never stop fighting~

~LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE~

~What destroys our happiness? Envy. Being busy with desiring what other people have. This takes our focus away from appreciating all the wonderful things we have, leading to a sense of lack and unhappiness. Learn appreciation by imagining what life would be like if the things, people, qualities, abilities you do have were taken away. Every time you find yourself fixated on the glittering lives in the pages of People, or the shiny new toys your neighbor has, bring your focus back to your life. Come back home to yourself, to your life, and look around. What if these things weren’t here tomorrow? How much would you miss them? ~

Let it be. -- The Beatles

"Fairness does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person would ever die young." -- Mitch Albom

"It's ok to be fucked up." -- James Frey

"The greatness comes not when things always go good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain." -- Richard Nixon

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton

“I strive to be as good a person as my dog things I am.” Unknown

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Ziz Ziglar

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” Napoleon Hill

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Abraham Lincoln

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” Confucius

“It doesn’t take much to start feeling better. Simply start doing more of what you love and less of what you don’t love.” Alan Cohen

“Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.” Leonardo da Vinci

“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.” George Herbert

“Either do or do not; there is no try.” Yoda (George Lucas)

There is a Reason for Everything! The Teachings of LaoTzu

2008-09-18T15:07:00.001-07:00

There is a Reason for Everything! The Teachings of LaoTzu, a Legendary Chinese Sage and Father of Taoism

This story happened in the days of LaoTzu in China...

There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person. And how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor but he never sold the horse.

One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that someday the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune."

The old man said, "Don't go so far as to say that. Simply say that the horse is not in the stable. This is the fact; everything else is a judgment. Whether it is a misfortune or a blessing I don't know, because this is just a fragment. Who knows what is going to follow it?"

People laughed at the old man. They had always known he was a little crazy. But after fifteen days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, he had escaped into the wild. And not only that, he brought a dozen wild horses with him.

Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said, "Again you are going too far. Just say that the horse is back. Who knows whether it is a blessing or a curse? It is only a fragment. You read a single word in a sentence- how can you judge the whole book?". This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong. Twelve beautiful horses had come.

The old man had a son who started to train the wild horses. Just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered again, and again they judged. They said, "Again you proved right! It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was you only support. Now you are poorer than ever."

The old man said. "You are obsessed with judgment. Don't go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Nobody knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing. Life comes in fragments and more is never given to you.

It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew that most of the young men would never come back.

They came to the old man and said, "You were right, old man- this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever.

The old man said again, " You go on and on judging. Nobody knows! Only say this: that your sons have been drafted and my son has not been drafted. But only God, the total, knows whether it is a blessing or not."

Lao Tsu taught that all straining, all striving are not only vain but counterproductive. One should endeavor to do nothing (wu-wei). But what does this mean? It means not to literally do nothing, but to discern and follow the natural forces -- to follow and shape the flow of events and not to pit oneself against the natural order of things. First and foremost to be spontaneous in ones actions. In this sense the Taoist doctrine of wu-wei can be understood as a way of mastering circumstances by understanding their nature or principal, and then shaping ones actions in accordance with these. This understanding has also infused the approach to movement as it is developed in Tai Chi Chuan.

A Deep Thought.....

2008-09-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

I came across this today......touched me deeply...

My Soul Counseled Me

by Kahlil Gibran

My soul spoke to me and counseled me to love all that others hate, And to befriend those whom others defame. My soul counseled me and revealed unto me that love dignifies not alone the one who loves, but also the beloved. Unto that day love was for me a thread of cobweb between two flowers, close to one another; But now it has become a halo with neither beginning nor end,Encircling all that has been, and waxing eternally to embrace all that shall be.

My soul counseled me and taught me to see beauty veiled by form and color. My soul charged me to gaze steadfastly upon all that is deemed ugly until it appears lovely

Before my soul had thus charged and counseled me, I had seemed to see beauty like unto wavering torches between pillars of smoke; But now the smoke has dispersed and vanished and I see naught but the burning.

My soul counseled me and charged me to listen for voices that rise neither from the tongue nor the throat. Before that day I heard but dully, and naught save clamor and loud cries came to my ears;But now I have learned to listen to silence, To hear its choirs singing the songs of ages, Chanting the hymns of space, and disclosing the secrets of eternity.

My soul spoke to me and counseled me to quench my thirst with that wine which may not be poured into cups,Nor lifted by hands, nor touched by lips.Unto that day my thirst was like a dim spark laid in ashesTo be put out by a drought from any spring; But now my strong yearning has become my cup, Love has become my wine, and loneliness my joy.

My soul counseled me and charged me to seek that which is unseen; And my soul revealed unto me that the thing we grasp is the thing we desire.In other days I was content with warmth in winter, and with a cooling zephyr in the summer season; But now my fingers are become as mist, Letting fall all that they have held, to mingle with the unseen that I now desire.

My soul spoke to me and invited me to breathe the fragrance from a plant That has neither root nor stalk nor blossom, and that no eye has seen. Before my soul counseled me thus, I sought perfumes in the gardens, In jars of sweet-smelling herbs and vessels of incense;But now I am aware only of an incense that may not be burned, I breathe an air more fragrant than all earth's gardens and all the winds of space.

My soul counseled me and charged me to answer and say: "I follow," when the unknown and the adventurous call unto me.Hitherto I had answered naught but the voice of the crier in the market place, Nor did I pursue aught save roads charted and well trodden; But now the known has become a steed that I mount to seek the unknown,And the road has become a ladder by which I may climb to the perilous summit.

My soul counseled me and admonished me to measure time with this saying:"There was a yesterday and there shall be a tomorrow."Unto that hour I deemed the past an epoch that is lost and shall be forgotten,And the future I deemed an era that I may not attain;But now I have learned this:That in the brief present all time, with all that is in time,Is achieved and come true.

My soul spoke and revealed unto me that I am not bound in space by the words:"Here, there, and over there."Hitherto I stood upon my hill, and every other hill seemed distant and far away;But now I know that the hill whereon I dwell is indeed all hills,And the valley whereunto I descend comprehends all valleys.

My soul counseled me and besought me to watch while others sleepAnd to seek my pillow while they are wakeful,For in all my years I had not perceived their dreams, nor they mine.But now I am winged by day in my dreaming,And when they sleep I behold them free upon the night,And I rejoice in their freedom.

My soul counseled me and charged me lest I be exalted because of over praiseAnd lest I distressed for fear of blame.Until that day I doubted the work of my own handiwork;But now I have learned this:That the trees blossom in spring, and bear fruit in summer,And drop their leaves in autumn to become utterly naked in winter Without exaltation and without fear or shame.

My soul counseled me and assured meThat I am neither higher than the pygmy nor lower than the giant.Before that day I beheld mankind as two men,The one a weakling whom I derided or pitied,And the other a mighty man whom I would either follow, or oppose in rebellion.But now I know that I was formed even from the same dust of which all men are created,That my elements are their elements, and my inner self is their inner self. My struggle is their struggle, and their pilgrimage is mine own.If they transgress, I am also the transgressor,And if they do well, then I have a share in their well-doing.If they arise, I too arise with them; if they stay behind, I also, to company them.

My soul counseled me and instructed me to see that the light which I carry is not my light,That my song was not created within me;For though I travel with the light, I am not the light,And though I am a lute fastened with strings,I am not the lute-player.

My soul counseled me, my brother, and enlightened me. And oftentimes has your soul counseled and enlightened you. For you are like me, and there is no difference between us

Save that I speak of what is within me in words that I have heard in my silence, And you guard what is within you, and your guardianship is as goodly as my much speaking.

This poem points to the truth of who we really are, and how who we are differs from what the world teaches us about who we are.

My thoughts:

Everything happens for a reason,

Never Give up,

Fight for what you believe in,

Follow your heart, even when it doesn't seem right

and Stay True to yourself

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option...

2008-09-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

What a true quote.....I struggle with this as I'm a very caring and giving person. I often give people and their thoughts, lives, and friendship more thought and priority then I give myself.

I'm not really into this "blogging" thing but I love to write and I have always kept a journal all my life. In todays world of technology I find it hard to sit down and write so I figure I might as well do it online......